Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed.
We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight!
Zoe writes:
Is Vexahlia an acceptable name for a girl?
I’ve been through most girl names and none of them have struck us like this one. It comes from a character in Dungeons & Dragons. Is the first bit – Vex – too negative? It’s not much different from Noah starting with no, which is a negative term.
Our other daughter is Winry. We shorten it to Win, which is easier for people.
I’d love to hear opinions on Vexahlia, and any name suggestions with a similar sound or feel. I’m a huge fan of unusual, out-there names with a classic nickname.
Please read on for my response, and share your helpful suggestions in the comments.
Dear Zoe –
Congratulations on your second daughter!
I’m torn on this one.
Vexahlia: Why It Works
Vexahlia sounds like a name. Plenty of girls’ names end with -lia, including popular picks like Amelia and Natalia. And with Harry Potter, Star Wars, Game of Thrones, and Lord of the Rings influencing baby name trends, why not Dungeons & Dragons?
Still, this marks the first time a D&D name has come up here, so I went searching for information on the character.
According to the vast and informative interwebs, Vex’ahlia and her twin brother Vax’ildan were born to a human mother and an elven father. It made for a rough childhood. She’s skilled with a longbow, speaks several languages, and excels as a tracker. Both she and Vax belong to Vox Machina, a group of adventurers.
Given the extensive mythology of D&D, some of this might be wrong – or just plain pointless – but it seems like Vex’ahlia could easily inspire a child’s name, at least in an age that sees Khaleesi rank in the US Top 1000.
To sum up the positives so far: it sounds like a name, the character seems admirable, and sci-fi and fantasy characters have become a rich source of mainstream baby names.
Vexahlia: Why It Might Not …
Let’s move on to the negatives, because I’m still struggling to give this one an enthusiastic yes.
First, there’s the problem with meaning. To vex is to worry or to annoy. It reminds me of Bane – great, on-trend sound, but strongly negative meaning. And yet, few of us use vex in everyday speech. And it’s not the name – just a possible short form that might never stick. So it’s less than ideal, but probably not a deal-breaker.
Next, let’s talk about the challenges of a (very) unusual name. When I say challenges, I mean exactly that. They’re not reasons to avoid a name; instead, they’re things to consider.
- You’ll have to spell and repeat her name fairly often; eventually, she’ll be the one to introduce herself as “Vexahlia, let-me-spell-it-for-you.”
- Likewise, people will inevitably comment on her name. Much of it will be friendly curiosity. Some of it may be judgemental, or even downright rude. The catch here? You might be perfectly comfortable with this, but there’s no way to guess if your child will feel the same.
- You’ll find yourself telling the story of her name again and again – once again, an experience that your child will inherit.
Here’s the part that gives me pause. I’m imagining what it would be like to tell the story of this specific name in different settings. A rare family name is explained easily. But when it comes to cultural references, things get dicey.
Telling a prospective employer or new romantic partner’s parents that you were named for, say, a literary figure or another borrowing from the arts feels one way. I suspect revealing a pop culture reference might be more awkward. I imagine that Khaleesi could be a successful heart surgeon and still have patients asking her about dragons.
Vexahlia: The Problem of Pop Culture Baby Names
A name drawn from, say, opera or ballet or The Faerie Queen, conveys one message. It implies the parents were educated, sophisticated, successful.
Names taken from pop culture can read the other way.
Except that this isn’t necessarily accurate, and it certainly doesn’t feel fair.
I also suspect it’s changing.
We’ve drawn names from popular culture for ages. It’s just been a little tougher to connect the dots. Nancy does a brilliant job of surfacing these stories. Today, at least some parents seem to shrug off the idea that names like Anakin or Kylo will be problematic. And when enough parents operate on that premise, it becomes true.
Vexahlia: My Two Cents
This name surpasses rare; it verges on unique. The name has never been given to even five children in a single year. The US Census records list no Vexahlias, either. (Though I did find Vexella, Vicola, and Vicalee.)
Maybe my biggest hesitation is that Vexahlia offers little in the way of easy nicknames, though I suspect that others might get used to Vex pretty quickly.
And yet, when I run this past my list of 12 Warning Signs, Vexahlia passes.
In terms of alternatives, other V names that come to mind are Valencia, Vivica, Evolet, Reverie, Valletta, Vesta, and Varvara. And yet I’m not sure any of those quite hit the right note.
I recommend that if you do choose Vexahlia, you pair it with a more traditional middle name.
Let’s have a poll, and don’t forget to add your suggestions in the comments. If there are any D&D fans out there, I’d love to hear other names from the universe, too.
What do you think of Vexahlia? Do you think the general perception of pop culture baby names is changing? Or was it never really that big a deal?
It’s a powerful-sounding name with a cool nic, but Abby has a point in regard to its bearer needing to constantly spell, pronounce, and explain her name. My name is Leigh and I deal with this all the time even though it’s far more common than Vexhalia. I imagine it’ll be the cause of some exhaustion and frustration.
I voted for – maybe, it’s your favorite name, use it. I think it’s better than just Vex. Abby is right that it fits right in these days, especially with the high-value scrabble letters (and two even!) It doesn’t pass my ‘would I want this to be my name’ test, but that test is very subjective. Winry strikes me as a great unusual but familiar name. Vexalia does not. Names these days are much more unusual and with all the younique spellings out there, our world of ‘professionals’ is going to look much different in 30 years. I really like the sound of Xalia though! Would you consider that as a nod to the D&D character, still very unique, but familiar enough (sounds like Talia)? It even follows alphabetically from Winry, which makes my name nerd heart happy. (I googled it and it’s an acronym for a medical term though..) Or how about Valia? I really love that, connected to an awesome word (valiant), pretty kickass with sister Win!
Good luck with the decision! I found naming a second girl quite the strugggle too.
I just don’t think this name works in real life for a real little girl OR adult woman. When you add in the likelihood that it will have to be spelled out her entire life, the ways people will comment on it … I would not do this. Sure, it’s a “cool” name that shares sounds with some very popular names right now, and people who know the association might be like “Wow, cool!” when they hear it. But I just do not think this name translates well to real life. I just don’t. Can you really imagine your real-life child answering to and using this name for her entire life? I just can’t see it.
While I can understand the pull of this name, it’s the potential difficulty of actually living with it that gives me pause. Your daughter may or may not feel attracted to the images and stories of Vexahlia, and to me, it unfairly attaches the interests of the parents to the child. I’m a huge fan of interesting and unusual names, but I think something that allows a child to define the name herself would be a better choice. Your first daughter has a name that falls beautifully into that latter category.
My first reaction and second and third would be no way.
Well…I’m one of the few people who so far has voted yes on the quiz. I don’t think we use the word vex as a common part of our diction, although most people are familiar with it. Would you consider V as a nickname? Or Vee? But I honestly think Vex could be a cute nickname. It doesn’t sound that different than Dax, Pax, Bex, Max, etc. Or maybe Vexa. As an alternative, would you consider naming her the simpler “Vox?”
I voted yes too, for the same reasons. If I met someone named Vex, I don’t actually think my brain would connect it to the word. I would clump it with “Bex”, short for Rebecca. [My brain kept boxer, the type of dog, separate from boxer, the fighting sport, until I was into my mid-30s. I honestly never joined the two.] Other people might think of it though. I do like the suggestions of Vale and Vox as alternate nicknames, but mostly because I like those names too, not necessarily to usurp Vex.
Personally if you truly love the name use it. I agree that the nickname Vex could be problematic, but you could go in the opposite direction for a nickname, as in the last three letters of the name Lia. As someone that does online roleplay, and in the past has done tabletop, like D&D, I have had many characters with varied names. One such character was a girl named Magnolia that went solely by Lia. If a girl, even a fictional one, named Magnolia can go by Lia why not a real life girl named Vexahlia.
First I have to say that after reading Abby’s description of the D&D character, I became immediately biased. Vexahlia and nn Vex bring forth a picture of a young woman, armed with a sword and very strong and capable. BUT– this picture isn’t going to come up for most people.
As someone who gave both their kids rare (and in the case of the first, unusual) names, I hesitate to advise against NOT giving your daughter this name. I am in concert with Abby on the downsides of having a ‘weird’ name: you have to always spell it, people will always make comments, and you will always have to tell the story. I think it’s absolutely imperative in this case that you have a good story for the sake of your child. I am fairly certain my adult child is tired of telling her name story, but at least she has one beyond ‘my parents liked it.’ Mine was ‘my dad knew a girl with that name.’ (I changed my name as an adult.)
The other thing I did was give my daughter permission to change her name when she turned 18, if she wanted to. She has told me that she is fine with her name now. I also gave her a good, beautiful middle name, one not extremely common but recognisible, and one I felt she might like and might want to use. As an adult, she does use it when getting coffee or ordering a table at a restaurant.
So– I have no helpful conclusion here other than to carefully consider all the pros and cons. Good luck and congratulations on your baby!
I gave my daughter an unusual (although definitely not unique) first name too, but a family name that’s a solid classic as a middle so she had a good fallback if she preferred. Knowing she’d have to spell it often, we taught her how to do that when she was quite young by making a song out of it.
If you opt for Vexahlia, teach her how to spell it as soon as you can. 🙂
If you love it, use it. (Of course, I’m one who deliberately looks for rare names). I would give the nickname thing careful consideration. Maybe Allie?
I agree with the advice to give her a more common middle name. But also, make sure you love the middle name and it has some special place in your heart, too, not just a “filler”. So you won’t mind if she decides to use it.
I don’t think the first syllable “no” in Noah is comparable to the first syllable “Vex” in “Vexahlia.” For one thing, while “No” is literally a negative response, it isn’t an inherently negative *word*- plenty of times “No” is the answer someone WANTS to a question. For another, it’s a syllable that occurs in many words and names without having anything to do with the word “no.” And, of course, “Noah” is an ancient name, which means many people will never even interpret it syllable by syllable- it just reads/scans as “name” instantly.
Vex doesn’t meet any of these criteria- it’s an inherently negative word, it’s a rare word/syllable that’s only ever used to describe something at least irritating, and it’s not a component of any other words or names I can think of except slight variations on the theme of ‘to vex”- vexation, vexatious, vexating, etc. And since it is not an established name, people are far more likely to consider the components as they try to parse it.
If I read the name Vexahlia in a book, I would assume off the bat the character was going to be slightly villainous, and that the author was a bit lazy about conveying that fact. It reminds of of “Cruella” in that way. I know nothing about the character in D&D and I assume if you want to name your baby after her that she isn’t a villain (although maybe not, there are a bunch of Anakins, after all), but that’s the impression it gives me without that background to color my perception.