Update: She’s here! Krista writes, “Thanks for all the encouragement. We stuck with our favorite name, Briar Adeline. Despite all of the criticism before she was born, no one has said a word since she was born, and I love how it reminds me of my grandmother. We’re so glad we didn’t get talked out it!”
Krista writes:
We’re expecting our daughter in a few weeks, and we think we’ve chosen a name. But when we started telling other people, we got some negative reactions. Should we go back to our list, or just go with the name we like?
I’ve been saying that we wanted to name a daughter after my grandmother since we first got married. My gran passed away unexpectedly while we were engaged. We were very close, and I still miss her all the time.
Her name was Rose, and her married last name was Bryer. I always liked the fairy-tale sound of Rose Bryer, like Briar Rose in Sleeping Beauty. She didn’t have a middle name at birth, but she used Adelaide, her confirmation name, and I know she really liked it.
The name we’ve chosen is Briar Adeline, a different spelling of her last name and a form of the middle name she chose for herself. We don’t want to use Adelaide, because our last name sounds like Hailey-with-a-P, and so the D/P sounds run together too much.
We think it’s perfect, but maybe I was a little worried my husband’s family would feel slighted. (We do plan to name a future son after his dad, so it’s not like it’s all about me.)
Instead, they both hate it.
His family’s objections: Briar is a boy’s name/Briar isn’t pretty. My family: if you’re naming her after Gran, you have to name her Rose.
Seriously? I know maybe we should just shrug it off, but it’s bothering me. And now I’m second-guessing our choice. What do we do?
Please read on for my response, and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
Dear Krista –
Congratulations on your new daughter!
Families are so very wonderful, and we need them more than ever once we welcome children of our own. And yet, often they seem determined to derail our naming decisions, don’t they?
Let’s back up.
Your grandmother’s name – as she used it – was Rose Adelaide Bryer. I’d agree that Briar Adeline Hailey-with-a-P isn’t an exact honor name. But I’d also argue that a little bit of healthy reinvention is smart. It honors your grandmother’s memory while also giving your daughter an identity of her own.
There’s also a style gap between Briar and Rose. Briar is modern, new to the US Top 1000, and still relatively unexpected. Rose is timeless, and also familiar. I’m guessing you might like names like Haven, instead of something more like Eleanor? So if Briar honors your grandmother and is true to your style, then that’s a win.
Now let’s talk about the whole boy name angle.
It’s easy to argue that Briar feels masculine, especially since it comes from surname Bryer. (Though, for what it’s worth, it typically comes from the nature name.) We tend to sometimes reserve those family surnames for a son. And names like Brian and Bryce are solidly masculine.
But you mentioned a strong argument against the masculine imagine – Disney princess Aurora, also known as Sleeping Beauty, also known as Briar Rose.
And so it’s not surprising that Briar ranks in the US Top 1000 for boys and girls. In fact, 243 boys were named Briar in 2017 … and 397 girls. It’s a little bit unisex. And with names like Rowan and River rising for girls and boys alike, I can imagine that you may very well meet boys named Briar, too.
But is Briar a boys’ name? Not by any stretch. It trends unisex.
My sense is that you’ve found your daughter’s name, and it’s just a matter of smiling and singing la-la-la should your loved ones object.
But let’s have a poll because maybe I’m missing something.
What advice would you give Krista and her husband about their daughter’s name?
Briar Adeline is perfect. I think Briar Adelaide sounds good too (fine to my ear with the last name), but Briar Adeline is perfect as is—i think ESPECIALLY since both first and middle honor your gran, it makes it even more permissible that the names are both tweaked just slightly from the original. This name is perfect and so so so meaningful to you. Use it!
Also…if you don’t, both sets of parents will think they have veto power over names. They don’t. Don’t let them. And don’t share any future names with them until they’re attached to a sweet babe, as they’ve officially lost the privilege of knowing ahead of time.
I agree that giving in sets a precedent–not only for veto power over future names but also (potentially) for control over other parenting choices you make. If you truly love this name, I’d let this be your first boundary as a parent, rather than your last.
I like it! Very common in the south to use surnames as given names to honor family especially for girls. With the spelling it definitely trends feminine to me. I think you hit the jackpot – uncommon yet familiar, southern, nature,feminine, honor name all rolled in. Grandparents will get over it when baby girl comes home. Congratulations.
Solid yes from me. I actually thought Briar was a excellent honor name for a Rose even before I knew the last and middle names. And I would consider Briar an honor name for someone with the last name Bryer no matter WHAT the first name was. Also, since you don’t HAVE to use an honor name at all, I don’t understand why the family is so unsupportive. I’d name the baby Briar Adeline anyway–it’s gorgeous.
Briar Adeline is PERFECT! Even without the Bryar connection, Briar is a great way to honor a Rose, but with the connection, it’s perfect. Go with what you love. Grandparents will get over it when the baby arrives.
ABSOLUTELY USE IT!!! Briar Adeline is an absolute gorgeous name!
I completely agree with Abby in the fact that even though it’s not an exact honor name you are using versions/different spellings of her name to remember her but also gives your daughter her own individual name.
Whenever my in-laws trashed a name we liked, I remembered a conversation I overheard between them and some friends of the same generation “.. you think that’s funny? My nephew named his son OLIVER! Can you believe it? Oliver?” cue laughter by all. How can anyone protest Oliver? Each generation has their perspective on what is odd or girly or not. They’re done their naming. It’s your turn and you know best.
Briar is lovely and such an awesome way to honour the name Bryer. My only suggestion, if you’re up for it, would be to squeeze in Rose, essentially flipping her name – I think Briar Adelaide Rose is so gorgeous and no one could think you went far at all of her name. My girls both have first names with tweaks on family names, but I wanted to make sure it would take me mere seconds to explain.
I love the suggestion of Briar Adelaide Rose! I slightly prefer the more classic Adelaide, although I do think Adeline is pretty. But if you don’t want to deal with two middles then Briar Adeline is lovely.
My family has also been ceaselessly critical of our name ideas, which makes it hard not to doubt yourself and wonder if you really are giving your baby the worst name ever. In this case, you’ve give it very careful thought and come up with a name that is meaningful and eminently reasonable. So forget the critics, they’ll get on board by the time the ink dries on the birth certificate. For what it’s worth, I think Briar leans feminine, but I would guess it’s sometimes misread as Brian on paper.
I LOVE it! What a beautiful name, and I love how you chose it. It’s so sophisticated, and unique yet familiar. As soon as she’s here, the fam-jam will (hopefully) be less outspoken about it. Listen to your heart.
Completely agree with Abbey on this one I voted Yes it is a great name don’t be put off by anyone’s negative comments you’ve chosen and that’s it they’ve had their go at naming this is yours.
But be aware, briar instantly brought to my mind “thorns” as in the briar patch.