Love the Name, Not the Nickname: Should We Use It?

Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.

WILL JOSEPHINE ALWAYS BE JOSIE?

Keeley writes:

We are expecting our second, and final, child this winter. Our son is Owen Michael. We agreed on his name quickly and have never regretted it.

This time, we’re having a girl, and we have a dilemma.

We agree on the name Josephine BUT ONLY Josephine. I have a strong negative association with someone called Josie, and would never want that to be our daughter’s name.

Should we go ahead and name her Josephine? Or should we choose another name from our list?

If it helps, our girls’ list is pretty much the same from our first pregnancy: Charlotte, Amelia, maybe Adeline, Katherine, or Annabelle. (Though I like Annabelle more than my husband, and I think it’s his last choice.)

My husband says it’s fine, but I don’t want to regret this. Thank you!

Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.

WE CAN MANAGE NICKNAMES … FOR A WHILE

Abby replies:

Congratulations on your new daughter!

I think this is a good news/bad news situation.

Let’s begin with the good, because there’s a A LOT of good:

1. Automatic shortening of names is far rarer now than ever before. If you introduce your daughter as Josephine and put Josephine on all of her official forms and write it on her lunchbox, chances are that she will be called Josephine by everyone.
2. Likewise, a great many kids are Katherine-not-Kate, David-not-Davey. That helps, too!
3. Like Charlotte and Amelia, plenty of kids use Josephine specifically as a full, complete name. Once again, this suggests that you’ll be able to call her Josephine and have the world do the same.

But here’s the reality:

1. Josie is the default nickname for Josephine. Well, there’s also Jo. If you were trying to avoid your Josephine being called Fifi, I’d hold up an All Clear sign. But Josie is an obvious – the obvious – choice, especially now.
2. You’re not the only people who might nickname your daughter. It’s one thing to explain to your sister-in-law or your daughter’s preschool teacher that she’s Josephine in full, thanks very much. But what if your Josephine comes home from second grade demanding to be called Josie? What if it’s the preferred short form all of her middle school friends gravitate towards? What if it’s the way Owen – or another child in your life – says your daughter’s name? It can happen.

Because it’s one thing to tell a caregiver you call your daughter Josephine. It’s something else entirely to tell your own daughter that a nickname is off-limits.

And so this might call for some soul-searching.

I will add that, should your son call his sister by that nickname? It could very well transform Josie in a heartbeat.

If the risk of your daughter preferring Josie to Josephine is a problem, then I’d:

• Choose another formal name. Charlotte and Amelia are great, sound good with Owen, and cannot possibly be shortened to that exact nickname.
• Stick with Josephine, but select a nickname of your own. If you like Jo – or Sosie or Joss or Posy – then using it sometimes is almost a preemptive strike. It’s almost like saying “if you must shorten Josephine’s name, then call her this, please.”

How to decide? I think it really comes down to thinking through a future scenario where your daughter embraces the nickname.

In many cases, children can completely redefine a name for us. But in other cases, a name is so strongly linked to a traumatic part of our past that the name is ruined forever.

I can’t tell from your letter which category this falls into. And, of course, time can diminish even the most painful of memories.

On balance, I think I probably wouldn’t risk it. I’d name your daughter Charlotte or Amelia. Maybe even Amelia Josephine or Charlotte Josephine?

But it really comes down to your personal feelings here, and there’s not an absolute right answer.

Readers, if you were determined to avoid a nickname, would you cross out the formal name, too? Do you think they can name their daughter Josephine without hearing her called Josie eventually?