Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, we discuss reader’s name questions, usually on Tuesdays and Fridays. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.
HE KEEPS SUGGESTING HIS NAME
Faith writes:
I’m pregnant with our first child, a boy. We’ve gone through literally hundreds of names and we don’t agree on anything.
My husband would really like a junior, but he knows that I’m uncomfortable with the idea. I might be willing to consider it, but his name is Brian Lee, so there’s not really an easy way to distinguish between a father and son, like William being Will and Billy or anything like that.
I have gotten my list down to five names, any of which I’d be fine with:
- Austin
- Jack
- Harrison
- Owen
- Wyatt
Our last name sounds like Dave-with-a-Y, so the only kind of names that we’re really not considering are those that end with Y, like Henry or Brady.
I am absolutely fine with using some combination of Brian and Lee, or even both names, for our son’s middle name, but I just want him to have a name of his own.
Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
AVOIDING A JUNIOR: SO EASY, BUT ALSO IMPOSSIBLE
Abby replies:
Congratulations on your new son!
I do not, in any way, want to accuse your husband of scheming.
Except … is it possible that he likes the idea of a Brian Jr. so very much that no name can top it?
That happens! Sometimes we don’t even completely realize. It’s just that we have a name in our mind to which nothing will quite compare. And so Wyatt and Austin are nice enough names, but they don’t rise to the level of Brian.
What we need is a slightly different question.
Imagine you already have a son named Brian. What would you name his brother?
Frame it as an experiment. A thought exercise.
It might not make sense to your husband. But it’s a way of re-phrasing the question.
In the meantime, let’s talk about your favorite names. The only real criteria you’ve identified so far is that they have to work with your surname and the middle name Brian – or Brian Lee or possibly even just Lee.
WHICH NAME FLOWS BEST?
While there aren’t any absolute rules about syllable count, conventional wisdom suggests a little bit of variation in syllables and emphasis is helpful. So yes to Harrison Brian Dave-with-a-y. Or Wyatt Lee Dave-with-a-y. But maybe not Austin Brian Dave-with-a-y.
From that perspective, I’d drop Austin and Owen. Great names, and I’m sorry to see them go. But if Brian is the must-use middle name, then the flow isn’t great with Austin or Brian.
Unless, of course, Austin Lee or Owen Lee is an option.
But let’s move on to Wyatt, Jack, and Harrison.
Because of the repeating vowel sound, I think Wyatt Brian isn’t ideal.
Harrison Brian Dave-with-a-Y is a little better.
Jack Brian Dave-with-a-Y, though? That seems like the name to beat.
So if that logic works, then I’d rank Jack the top of your shortlist, based on middle name compatibility.
I absolutely love the suggestions of Bryson and Ryan but my fear is this won’t actually scratch the itch. If your husband wants a Jr. as in someone with the same name, a similar name probably isn’t going to work. Bryson and Ryan become negotiating names not real options. Worth a shot if you like them. But if the are only a “meh” for you, best to tackle the junior question head on.
The point is you fundamentally don’t what him to have the same name. And there is good data out there on how being a junior can set expectations that the kid may feel compelled to fulfill even if not their own interest. Failing to measure up to the parent, or perception of favoritism by future siblings, etc. all are possible downsides of being a junior. From my experience, the desire for a junior stems from the concept of legacy, but there are many ways to build that without sharing a name.
My advice – take the name off the table for a second and tak about the kind of parent you want to be and your parenting goals/desires. How important is it to continue the family legacy or encourage your kids blaze their own path? Ways to honoring family members etc.. Understanding where you both sit on these things may get your closer to your answer on what to call him.
Best of luck!
Some other nickname could work — initials like J.R. — or the traditional nicknames: Jay, words for second like Deuce or Dos. Bry as a nickname, which sounds like the very popular Ty or Kai. As a middle name, probably Jack Brian. If you give in, maybe you get to pick the name of the next child.
Rian Austin-Lee Dave with a Y. Called Rian or Austin
Rian Owen- Lee Dave with a Y. Called Rian or Owen
Rian Jonathan Dave with a Y Called Rian or Jack.
Rian Harrison Dave with a Y. Called Rian or Harrison.
Rian Wyatt Dave with a Y. Called Rian or Wyatt
Congrats on your son! What do you think about Bryson? My husband’s name is Brian and he gets called Bri/Bry a lot, maybe yours does too? Bryson feels like a sweet way of saying Bry’s son! I think it would make a great middle name if you don’t like it as a first. Or how about Ian which are the last 3 letters of the name Brian.
Those are brilliant!
I had the exact same thought!! Maybe Bryson Jack?
If he would chose one of the five names, I don’t think you’d be writing. I hope he comes around to a compromise.
How about a B name that you like? Could it be Bennett or Blake or Beau?
Or a Lee name – Leland or Leo or Leroy?
Or could you ask if he’d consider using a variation for a future daughter, like Brianna or Bridie?
Good luck to you!
Congrats on your baby!
I suggest Ryan Lee. It’s not a junior but similar enough.
I think Wyatt Brian, Harrison Brian and Jack Brian all work very well. I would choose any of those that you and your husband like best.
One other idea for a middle name is Bradley (from Brian+Lee), which doesn’t work for a first name with Dave-with-a-y, but I think the matching sound in the middle name sounds fine ~
Owen Bradley Dave-with-a-y
Austin Bradley Dave-with-a-y
Harrison Bradley Dave-with-a-y, etc.
I like the other comment of considering Adrian Lee or Julian Lee in honor of Brian Lee.
Would something like Adrian or Julian work?
Similar ending with a different sound? I wonder if Adrian Lee gives enough of a nod to Dad, while still giving him his own name.
Also, I don’t think Austin or Owen have to be of the table if you use Lee as the middle name. I do however agree they’re not great with mn Brian.