Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed.
We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight!
Melissa writes:
We have two daughters, Teagan Mary and Sloane Melissa. Our third daughter is due early in the new year, and we’re not coming up with a name we can agree on.
My husband wants to name this daughter after his mom, Ellen, who passed away earlier this year. Mary honors my grandmother, so I feel like what he’s asking is fair. But I can’t imagine a daughter named Ellen, or at least I can’t imagine our daughter being named Ellen.
I offered it as a middle name, but we like the idea of all of our children having M middles, because we both come from M families.
Names we considered for our older daughters include Hadley, Darby, Quinn, and Payton. My new favorite is Delaney, and I also like Parker and Emerson.
Our last name is three syllables, starts with W, ends with -r, which is why we’ve never seriously thought about Harper or Piper, though I’m beginning to reconsider whether that’s really as big a deal as I thought it was.
Would love to get some new ideas for names that we can both love.
Please read on for my response, and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
Dear Melissa –
Congratulations on your third daughter!
Here’s the challenge: no name, no matter how perfect, will solve your current dilemma. Your problem comes down to this: he says Ellen. Your response? No, not Ellen.
There’s no reason Teagan and Sloane couldn’t have a sister called Ellen. It’s a different style – demure and classically feminine, instead of the bolder, unisex choices you made for your older daughters. Would others remark on it, maybe even guessing (correctly) that it’s a family name? Maybe. But none of that means you can’t use it.
What does matter is that Ellen doesn’t sound like your daughter’s name, and that means it really has to be off the table.
That leaves a few options:
- Start completely fresh, with no thought of using Ellen in this child’s name.
- Choose Ellen as her middle name, even if breaks your all-M middle pattern.
- Try to incorporate some reference to Ellen in her first name.
My sense is that #2 or #3 feels far more like a compromise that the first approach. It’s where you’re stuck, right?
Happily, I think there are tons of possible surname-style names with a strong El- sound.
Would you consider:
Ellery – Because Delaney is your frontrunner, maybe another three-syllable, ends-with-y name that starts with the Ell- sound makes for the best of both worlds?
Elliot, Elliott – We tend to hear them as boys’ names, but Elliot – one T or two – originated as a surname, based on the Biblical Elijah. Writer George Eliot spelled it with a single L and T, but that’s quite rare today. While it’s more common for a boy, all spellings are seen for girls, too.
Ellis – Like Elliot, Ellis also comes from Elijah. It might be the closest option to Ellen, requiring just a tweak of the ending sound to make it a sister for Teagan and Sloane.
Ellison – Because Emerson is on your list, how about Ellison? It reminds me strongly of Allison, which is probably one of the reason it’s fared well for girls in recent years.
Now, about your -r ending question: I don’t think a name like, say, Piper Hunsaker is a deal-breaker. In fact, they can be rather memorable. But I’m not sure any of the El- options work well. There’s Ellender – which means newcomer. It’s the middle name of actor Blake Lively. But, in this case, I think Ellender Hunsaker – two three-syllable names, both with an -r ending – do sound a little awkward.
So let’s go back to the names I’ve suggested already. Ellison came to mind immediately, and I think it’s still my favorite.
But all four of these are rich with possibility, and there may be others I’ve neglected, too.
Readers, what would you suggest to Melissa for Teagan and Sloane’s sister?
My favourite of Abby’s suggestion’s is Ellery!
Depending on how comfortable you feel with Ellen honour names being a stretch you could branch out even further to names with less obvious connection. Stealing the “ell” part like, Connelly, Bellamy, or Briallen.
Miel, like honey, is a M-name that also contains the “ell” element, but maybe a less bold choice could be like Marell, or Meryl.
I’d vote to reframe the theme of the middle names from M middle names to family middle names and then Ellen is great there. I really like Darby Ellen and Delaney Ellen.
If you are more committed to the M theme than using Ellen unchanged, then my vote is for Elliott or Ellison.
That’s just what I was going to say. Instead of having their middle name theme being M names, have the theme be family names.
Ellison would probably be my top choice for you. It nods to Ellen, while it still keeps that style you’ve established with your older daughters.
However, Eleni came to mind. It’s has the same roots as Ellen and sounds similar to Delaney. It may be of a slightly different style than Teagan and Sloane, but I think it could work. 🙂
I was reading your letter thinking Ellery (!) so happy it was the first suggestion. I also like the suggestion above of Elle. I think both work well with Teagan and Sloane. My only other suggestion is using the M name up front to flip the theme, with Ellen in the middle. Mills, Marlowe, Merrick, Morrow, Morley, Monroe, Murphy…
Not using Ellen up front wouldn’t honour her memory any less. It’s hard when the grief is so new. Our younger daughter has a first name almost verbatim her great grandmother’s first name (born on the same day) and last year she passed away. It’s been bittersweet. We feel like long-term it’s beautful that her name lives on so blatantly, but it was hard for awhile for my MIL to say her name – she is still using a nickname for the most part.
Ellis jumped out at me! I love that it has the same tailored, unisex quality as your older daughters’ names, and it really does sounds quite a lot like Ellen. It’s a lovely way to honor your MIL while sticking to your style. It gets my vote!
If that feels like too loose a connection to her name, perhaps you could shift your pattern slightly to make Ellen her middle name, and give her a first name that starts with M as a nod to your M family names.
Marley Ellen
McKenzie Ellen
McKinley Ellen
Macy Ellen
Maeve Ellen
I was going to suggest the same thing! I think Ellis Maeve fits their requirements perfectly! Teagan, Sloane and Ellis are a great sister sibset.
Ooh, Maeve Ellen is gorgeous and works beautifully with the sister names!
Does it have to be Ellen? Both of my daughters have middles honoring their great grandmothers but for my oldest I used my grandmothers middle name. You could also use a maiden name or a nickname they went by. I like Delaney, Ellery or Ellison with this sibset.
I love your idea of using grandmothers maiden or middle!
I like Ellis and Ellison best for you. I think it’s just the right compromise, assuming you both agree.
Another direction you could go is to see if you could use the letters of Ellen to make a name you like tgat fits your style. This isn’t quite the letters, but close…what about Leni?
Another thought is to combine Ellen plus M middle name to get to a name you’d love. For example, Ellen Mercy or Ellen Marisol could go by Emerson every day.
What about simply “Elle”? More popular than Teagan and Sloane, yes, but more in-keeping with them than Ellen – and includes four-fifths of her departed grandmom’s name! You could take it further with a middle name that starts with N. “Ellen” would be in there, in full!
What if you found an M name you liked as a first name, clearing the middle spot for Ellen?
Some options could be:
Mallory
Margot
Marlowe
Monroe
Maeve
My first thought was Nelle which is Ellen backwards. It may have a slightly different feel than Teagan or Sloane but I really like it as a sister name.
Kellen seems more modern and unisex than Ellen. Maybe that would work.
If you used Ellen as a first name could you call her by her middle? For example Ellen Marlow, Ellen Mallory, or Ellen Madigan
One thought that’s a bit out there would be to give her a name with an L and and an N. LN=Ellen. Ex. Larkin or Linden
Love the other suggestions of how to tweak Ellen. Other ideas:
Evan
Ellie
Elissa
Good Luck!