Names for a First Daughter: When Your List is Endless

Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.

DOWN TO 23 NAMES: WHAT NOW?

Kim writes:

I’ve been collecting my favorite names for as long as I can remember. To date, I have named three cats, many houseplants, and more dolls/stuffed animals/other inanimate objects than I can list.

But now my husband and I are going to have an actual, real-life daughter, and my list is completely overwhelming.

I went through and ruled out any name that was attached to a pet or something memorable, like my favorite doll or first car. Then I gave the list to my husband, and he crossed out anything he didn’t like.

That still leaves 23 names, and I’m having a really hard time not adding more to the list every day.

Can you help me work through this list? I feel like even if we could get to maybe half a dozen names we could take it from there, but this is just so many, and I really want to use them all. (But not actually have that many children!!)

1. Anastasia
2. Aspen
3. Carolina (though husband likes Caroline better, which was not on my list)
4. Daphne
5. Ellison
6. Emery
7. Evening
8. Felicity
9. Francesca (husband crossed off Frances and Francine but left this name)
10. Goldie
11. Hana (but not Hannah)
12. Laurel
13. Margot
14. Marley (maybe Marlie)
15. Paisley
16. Phoebe
17. Ramona
18. River
19. Sloane
20. Tabitha
21. Tallulah
22. Tamsin (maybe Thomasina)
23. Zara (maybe Zora)

We don’t have any family names we’d like to use, and our last name is the single most common last name in the English language, so almost anything matches.

My cats have all had/have Norse names – Ingrid, Freya, and our current cat, Astrid.

Where do we even begin?

Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.

SORTING NAMES & MORE ADVICE

Abby replies:

Congratulations on your new daughter!

Here’s what leaps out at me: you love names. So do I, and so do most of us reading this. The good news is that you have no real constraints, and can choose nearly anything.

In fact, given your very common surname, I’d argue in favor of choosing something on the bolder side.

FIRST: LET’S TRY SORTING YOUR LIST

I’m going to divide your favorites into three general categories: Traditional(ish), Modern, Unusual/Outliers.

Traditional(ish): Anastasia, Carolina/Caroline, Daphne, Felicity, Francesca, Margot, Phoebe, Ramona, Tabitha, Tallulah, Zara/Zora

More Modern: Aspen, Ellison, Emery, Laurel, Marley/Marlie, Paisley, River, Sloane

Unusual/Outliers: Evening, Goldie, Hana, Tamsin/Thomasina

I think the trick is to mix and match between the groups. Caroline Evening is stunning. Hana Felicity works. Emery Francesca – so much yes!

But which category makes the best firsts? And which should be considered mainly for middles?

SECOND: A FEW QUESTIONS TO PONDER

• Do you imagine this will be your only child? If not, do you have a favorite boy’s name? Or is there a category that seems like a logical first name category to you? No reason required – even a feeling could be helpful here. But if you can imagine having a son named Cole, and girls called Emery and Ellison, that’s one way to work toward an answer. Nothing says that sibling names have to match, and maybe you’re not even sure if you’ll grow your family after this baby. But imagining potential siblings can help hone in on your favorite style of names, regardless of what the future brings.
• Do you have any feelings about your own name that might inform your choice? This question is also for your husband. When couples are really stuck, I suggest talking about their own names first. The qualities you like in your own name – or the things that frustrate you – are often a very good guide for naming your children.
• Which reminds me, are there other values or qualities that matter to you both? Do you want something easy to spell and pronounce? Do you prefer a name that can easily shorten to a nickname? Even identifying one preference can be a good guide.
• Thinking about your closest friends and family, do any of their kids’ names appeal to you? Sometimes there’s a significant difference between the names we love on paper and the names we really love to hear in real life. I’m not suggesting you use the actual names of children you know! But sometimes admiring another family’s style can suggest a direction for your own children’s names.

THIRD: LET’S MIX AND MATCH

Those questions will take some thought, and only you and your partner can engage in that process.

But there’s something else that might help.

Sometimes, seeing first-middle combinations can spark a feeling. So let’s try mixing and matching. I’ll give you some of my favorite combinations. Because there are so many great names on your list, it’s hard to rule them out. Instead, maybe there’s some alchemy from combining them into a full name that feels more magical than the individual pieces.

POSSIBLE FIRST-MIDDLE COMBINATIONS

10. TABITHA MARLIE

9. GOLDIE CAROLINE

8. SLOANE FELICITY

7. RAMONA PAISLEY

6. LAUREL HANA

5. EMERY FRANCESCA

4. TALLULAH RIVER

3. MARGOT TAMSIN

2. ZARA EVENING

1. DAPHNE ELLISON

I love so many of these, but I’ve ranked them in order. Though every time I look at the list, I’m tempted to re-order them slightly.

Readers, over to you! Working with Kim’s lists, what would you name a daughter?