Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.
DOWN TO 23 NAMES: WHAT NOW?
Kim writes:
I’ve been collecting my favorite names for as long as I can remember. To date, I have named three cats, many houseplants, and more dolls/stuffed animals/other inanimate objects than I can list.
But now my husband and I are going to have an actual, real-life daughter, and my list is completely overwhelming.
I went through and ruled out any name that was attached to a pet or something memorable, like my favorite doll or first car. Then I gave the list to my husband, and he crossed out anything he didn’t like.
That still leaves 23 names, and I’m having a really hard time not adding more to the list every day.
Can you help me work through this list? I feel like even if we could get to maybe half a dozen names we could take it from there, but this is just so many, and I really want to use them all. (But not actually have that many children!!)
- Anastasia
- Aspen
- Carolina (though husband likes Caroline better, which was not on my list)
- Daphne
- Ellison
- Emery
- Evening
- Felicity
- Francesca (husband crossed off Frances and Francine but left this name)
- Goldie
- Hana (but not Hannah)
- Laurel
- Margot
- Marley (maybe Marlie)
- Paisley
- Phoebe
- Ramona
- River
- Sloane
- Tabitha
- Tallulah
- Tamsin (maybe Thomasina)
- Zara (maybe Zora)
We don’t have any family names we’d like to use, and our last name is the single most common last name in the English language, so almost anything matches.
My cats have all had/have Norse names – Ingrid, Freya, and our current cat, Astrid.
Where do we even begin?
Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
SORTING NAMES & MORE ADVICE
Abby replies:
Congratulations on your new daughter!
Here’s what leaps out at me: you love names. So do I, and so do most of us reading this. The good news is that you have no real constraints, and can choose nearly anything.
In fact, given your very common surname, I’d argue in favor of choosing something on the bolder side.
FIRST: LET’S TRY SORTING YOUR LIST
I’m going to divide your favorites into three general categories: Traditional(ish), Modern, Unusual/Outliers.
Traditional(ish): Anastasia, Carolina/Caroline, Daphne, Felicity, Francesca, Margot, Phoebe, Ramona, Tabitha, Tallulah, Zara/Zora
More Modern: Aspen, Ellison, Emery, Laurel, Marley/Marlie, Paisley, River, Sloane
Unusual/Outliers: Evening, Goldie, Hana, Tamsin/Thomasina
I think the trick is to mix and match between the groups. Caroline Evening is stunning. Hana Felicity works. Emery Francesca – so much yes!
But which category makes the best firsts? And which should be considered mainly for middles?
SECOND: A FEW QUESTIONS TO PONDER
- Do you imagine this will be your only child? If not, do you have a favorite boy’s name? Or is there a category that seems like a logical first name category to you? No reason required – even a feeling could be helpful here. But if you can imagine having a son named Cole, and girls called Emery and Ellison, that’s one way to work toward an answer. Nothing says that sibling names have to match, and maybe you’re not even sure if you’ll grow your family after this baby. But imagining potential siblings can help hone in on your favorite style of names, regardless of what the future brings.
- Do you have any feelings about your own name that might inform your choice? This question is also for your husband. When couples are really stuck, I suggest talking about their own names first. The qualities you like in your own name – or the things that frustrate you – are often a very good guide for naming your children.
- Which reminds me, are there other values or qualities that matter to you both? Do you want something easy to spell and pronounce? Do you prefer a name that can easily shorten to a nickname? Even identifying one preference can be a good guide.
- Thinking about your closest friends and family, do any of their kids’ names appeal to you? Sometimes there’s a significant difference between the names we love on paper and the names we really love to hear in real life. I’m not suggesting you use the actual names of children you know! But sometimes admiring another family’s style can suggest a direction for your own children’s names.
THIRD: LET’S MIX AND MATCH
Those questions will take some thought, and only you and your partner can engage in that process.
But there’s something else that might help.
Sometimes, seeing first-middle combinations can spark a feeling. So let’s try mixing and matching. I’ll give you some of my favorite combinations. Because there are so many great names on your list, it’s hard to rule them out. Instead, maybe there’s some alchemy from combining them into a full name that feels more magical than the individual pieces.
POSSIBLE FIRST-MIDDLE COMBINATIONS
10. TABITHA MARLIE
9. GOLDIE CAROLINE
8. SLOANE FELICITY
7. RAMONA PAISLEY
6. LAUREL HANA
5. EMERY FRANCESCA
4. TALLULAH RIVER
3. MARGOT TAMSIN
2. ZARA EVENING
1. DAPHNE ELLISON
I love so many of these, but I’ve ranked them in order. Though every time I look at the list, I’m tempted to re-order them slightly.
Readers, over to you! Working with Kim’s lists, what would you name a daughter?
Given a long list and a common last name, I would get rid of the names that have more than one spelling or pronunciation. I like that my own name is a family name, fairly traditional, and that I am usually the only person in the workplace or class with the name. There are sone caveats there, since tgere have been times when someone with my exact first, middle, and last name screws up my paperwork because one file is mixed in with another. I would not have wanted an outrageous first name either. If you Google a name and only one person pops up and is instantly identifiable by that name, it can be as much curse as blessing. Imagine that your daughter one day runs into legal trouble in college and then goes job hunting. When future employers Google her name, you don’t want a municipal court listing in the local paper to be the first thing that appears i also like the anonymity a common name offers. What I don’t like about my name is the multiple pronunciations. Correcting people is tedious.
I would cross Evening off your list (far too unique); Emery, Hana, Marley, and Paisley (too many spellings); Goldie (too informal). That leaves you with a nice mix of styles and names that sound respectable and grown up with a common name. I favor Anastasia, Felicity, and Tabitha, but it really comes down to what you like.
Anastasia Sm… is a lot of S sounds. Gold Sm… is a profession. Be careful with initials too, with that final S.
My favorites have that bright O sound: Ramona, Zora, Margot, Carolina/e.
Oh, really good point about the S sounds and the profession – thank you for that!
I actually don’t think Anastasia is a problem with this particular surname. The name is normally pronounced with a zh sound in American English — anna-STAY-zhuh. The ess sound in the surname is a different sound.
I totally agree that it’s really hard to choose just one (or two) names as a name nerd who finally gets to name a human being. It’s so amazing that you two are happy with over 20 names!
If it were me, I’d strike off Carolina as you don’t agree on the form.
I’m guessing the surname… maybe practicing aloud would cross off Ellison, Felicity, Sloane…
Then I’d do a ‘would i want to wear this name every day?’ test myself… I think I’d cross off Hana (because spelling will be a headache forever), Aspen (I know.. immature but Assspen would just not be my fave as a child), Evening (it’s an awesome name but I feel like I’d have to repeat my name a lot and spell it out and as a shy child i’d probably just say Eve to spare the challenges..)
Then I’d test out nicknames for the longer names as 100% someone will try to nickname your child if not your child yourself, so if there’s an intuitive nickname you can’t stand, maybe cross it out (Anastasia – Ana, Annie; Emery – Em 100%; Francesca – Fran, Franny, Frankie; Ramona – Mo, Mona; Tabitha – Tabby, Tabs; Tallulah – Tally, Lu; Thomasina – Tommy.) If you can limit those longer names, then I’d pick a sister set to see if that sways. Like to me Francesca and Tallulah would be an amazing set (Frankie & Lu swoon.)
Then I’d divide up names into styles from the rest – Daphne, Laurel, Margot, Phoebe, Zara are sisters. Goldie, Marley, Paisley, River, Tamsin, Zora are sisters.
I totally agree with Abby on figuring out whether you have a fave boy name – future brother may sway names.
Or if you’re not into repeating initials, and you’re having more kids – do you choose Anastasia or Aspen? Ellison or Emery? Felicity or Francesca? etc etc
Then I’d make sure not to choose your two favourites for a first name and middle name, if there is a chance you’ll have more children. I made this mistake with my first and kicked myself for using a great sister name in my eldest’s middle name.
I love the combos that are coming out in this thread. I personally love:
Francesca River
Tallulah Sloane
Goldie Ellison
Zara Evening
Laurel Emery
Good luck!!
I think it would be helpful to really piece out what is most important to you in a name. Since you have a very common last name, is it important that her first name is a bit offbeat or not a top 10 name in order to set her apart? Do you want a long, feminine name with lots of built in nickname options or something short and sweet with no nicknames? Do you want a name with only one common spelling and pronunciation? Does a name become more appealing to you knowing it has a beautiful meaning? Is it important to you that the name sounds “professional” when you tack Dr or The Honorable Judge in front of it? If you are considering future children is it essential that their names “go together”?
Start with asking yourself and your husband these questions and then from there you can start crossing off anything that doesn’t fit with what you are looking for. Allow yourself some time to test drive a name for a week or so and see how it feels. You can always go into the hospital with 2 or 3 names and wait until you meet her to see what fits.
You have so many lovely options so I totally get why this is so hard!
Here’s how I sorted them, before reading Abby’s list:
Surnames and Surname-style names: Ellison, Emery, Marley, Paisley, Sloane
Word and nature names: Aspen, Evening, Laurel, River
Long feminine, names: Anastasia, Carolina, Felicity, Francesca,
Popular, spunky names: Daphne, Phoebe, Margot, Zara
Uncommon, spunky names: Goldie, Ramona, Tabitha, Talullah, Tamsin, Hana
I think that especially if you’re planning on having multiple children, it makes sense to pick the category you most like and stick with it. Sisters named Anastasia and Sloane or Evening and Margot feel a little mismatched, while Anastasia and Francesca or Margot and Phoebe feel very nicely matched.
Additionally, I think playing around with middle names could be a fun way to incorporate serveral styles or unite sibling names. Multiple middle names could be an excellent way to get more names in there!
Surname names with middles: Sloane Francesca, Paisley Laurel, Emery Margot
Long feminine names with middles: Anastasia Evening, Felicity Sloane, Carolina Tamsin
Popular spunky names with middles: Daphne Ramona, Phoebe Ellison, Margot Laurel
Uncommon spunky names: Tamsin Emery, Goldie Carolina, Tabitha River, Talullah Phoebe
Good luck and congratulations!
Ramona Laurel and Tamsin Felicity!
Let us know what you choose!
Oh, this is such a fun list! Here are some of my favorite combinations.
-Anastasia Zora
-Daphne Caroline or Carolina
-Francesca Tamsin
-Margot Emery
-Phoebe Aspen
-Tallulah Zara
Best of luck and congratulations on your beautiful new daughter.
I see that you don’t have family names on the list, but are there any that are extra special to you? Or that remind you of a place you love or have a meaning you love? When deciding between a bunch of names that have a nice sound something like this can put a name over the edge from “sounds nice” to “a name I’d love for my kid”. That helped me decide 🙂
Some more combinations I like:
Zara Daphne
Felicity Hana
Laurel Evening
Ramona Emery
I really like Laurel Evening.
First comment!!
Anastasia Margot Evening