Boy names on girls spark strong feelings.
Need proof? Tell the people of the internet you plan to name your daughter Owen or Parker or James.
Then run for cover.
Sure, some people will respond positively. But depending on the forum, you could also find yourself accused of thievery, trendiness, and general bad taste.
It is so very frustrating to feel like your favorite boy name is now unusable. Because this doesn’t go both ways nearly as often – rarely do we see boys borrow from the girls, or reclaim names from the feminine side. (Not never – Pax is one notable exception. Jamie might count, too. But exceptions are few.) That’s one reason why the pool of possible boy names feels smaller – or maybe more limited – than the choices for our daughters.
Make no mistake, this is a touchy subject. And yet, reasons abound for viewing boy names on girls as nothing to worry about.
Here’s why.
TEN: BOY NAMES ON GIRLS ARE NOTHING NEW.
Long before there was Madison, there was Shirley.
Charlotte Bronte chose the name for the heroine of an 1849 novel, explaining that Shirley’s father had hoped for a son. It was gaining steadily in use in the US when Shirley Temple became a household name. The name Shirley peaked at #2 in the 1930s, and today? It’s hard to imagine parents choosing Shirley for a son.
Or a daughter, come to that.
Countless names have followed similar paths, including Ashley and Courtney, Beverly and Joyce. Our memory is short, and while this feels like a new phenomenon, it’s a tale as old as time.
NINE: HARD BRIGHT LINES ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY.
Many of us assume that once, maybe even recently, every name neatly corresponded to male or female, with no overlap. Think about it, though, and logic dictates this can’t possibly be true.
Andrea is masculine in Italian. So is Elia. Romance languages blur the lines.
But even within English, the story quickly grows complicated. An oft-cited early theft? Evelyn. You might know that male writer Evelyn Waugh married a woman with the same first name.
Only it didn’t start out as a given name at all. Evelyn began as a surname, given to boys – but ultimately derived from Aveline, which was feminine. Aveline faded, but was revived as Evelina … and Evelina shortened to Evelyn.
That’s not name theft – it’s evolution.
EIGHT: THE IDEA OF STRICTLY BOY/GIRL NAMES ISN’T UNIVERSAL.
Some languages dictate that certain sounds belong to feminine names, while others are strictly masculine.
But that’s not universal. Hebrew, for example, offers dozens and dozens of truly unisex names.
Some might argue that English is closer to Hebrew than, say, Spanish. After all, Kate is a (almost certainly) a girl’s name, while Nate reads boy. And Tate? That depends.
If your language doesn’t insist upon clear rules, it opens the door to individual perception.
SEVEN: THE RULES WE DO HAVE? THEY LEAD US ASTRAY.
Do some parents go out of their way to research masculine names for their daughters? Probably.
But most simply hear a name and think it sounds feminine.
Take Avery. With Ava and Emily so popular, you might expect Avery to become a powerhouse – and it has. There’s no Madison without Madeline and Alison (which isn’t stolen from the boys at all – it’s a diminutive form of Alice, with history tracing back centuries.) Aubrey caught on because of a Bread song … and the well-established girl’s name Audrey.
Since sound is the only thing to go on, we’ll always get it wrong.
SIX: FAMILY NAMING TRADITIONS ENCOURAGE THE PRACTICE.
Too often, our sons receive family names. Our daughters? They’re given names that are pretty.
That bias helps explain why classic boy names remain in such rotation, changing relatively little over the years, while girls’ names feel far more subject to fashion.
But when you do encounter a family naming tradition, there’s a good chance it might be applied in a gender neutral fashion. This seems more true in the American South and perhaps New England, but examples are heard everywhere. Years ago, I asked a neighbor what she was planning to name her baby if it was a boy. She responded with her maiden name – something along the lines of Parker. And if it’s a girl? She laughed. Parker.
It’s nicely egalitarian, and might be worth embracing. Or, to think of it another way, it’s a shame to never use a beloved family name simply because you don’t have a son.
FIVE: SOMETIMES THE MOMENT DICTATES THE NAME.
Even families without specific traditions sometimes find themselves drawn to a specific name.
Kate Garry Hudon’s masculine middle acknowledges the passing of her uncle Garry, who died shortly before her birth. Similarly, Blake Lively might be comfortable with boy names on girls – but she and husband Ryan Reynolds named daughter James for Ryan’s departed dad.
Sometimes the idea of saving an honor name for a future son misses the point – it’s this pregnancy, and this child’s life connected to a specific moment.
FOUR: IS IT REALLY STEALING IF IT’S SITTING IN THE RECYCLE PILE?
Sometimes a name rises in use for boys and girls at the same time, and slows down for our sons as it gains blockbuster status for our daughters.
But that’s not a rule.
At other times, a masculine name is languishing, all-but-forgotten.
Some Laurences used to shorten their name to Lauren. And a small, but steady, number of men were named Lauren in the US. Just enough to put Lauren on the edge of the most popular boy names in the US for years.
But then Betty Joan Perske adopted the stage name Lauren Bacall, and it became a sensation for our daughters.
Was it a tailored twist on classic Laura? Or a straight-up hijacking of a boys’ name? It feels more like the former than the latter.
For an even more dramatic example, take Madison. The name left the boys” Top 1000 in the US after 1952. The movie Splash launched the name in 1984. Parents who considered the name Madison for their daughters knew all about Madeline and Allison, but probably had never encountered Madison as masculine.
If parents aren’t using it, does it stay in the vault? It seems open to re-discovery … even if that means we choose it for our daughters instead.
THREE: NAMES CAN – AND DO – HOLD STEADY AS UNISEX OR MASCULINE – EVEN WHEN THEY’RE USED IN BIG NUMBERS FOR GIRLS.
Girls have been named Dylan, Cameron, and Ryan, but all three of those names remain decidedly more popular for our sons.
Other names, like Rowan and Jordan, hold steady as unisex for years.
We can’t know what will happen, of course. But it’s a good reason to feel confident that your favorite boy name won’t be unwearable because of a television character/celebrity parent/someone commenting on an online forum adopted the name for a daughter.
TWO: A NEW GENERATION MINDS ALL OF THIS MUCH LESS.
Can you find girls who dislike being mistaken for a boy based on their name? Probably. And boys can object to meeting a girl who shares their name.
But the more common it becomes, the less anyone minds. The more we pause and ask if Charlie or Alex or Riley or Quinn is a boy or a girl. (Or don’t ask at all, because so often, it really doesn’t matter.)
And, of course, our kids surprise us. Because my son has played sports with a boy named Kelly. I’d asked if Kelly was a girl, and my son sputtered. “Who names a girl Kelly?” He knew one person with the name. That person was a boy. Obviously, it was a boy’s name. What a crazy question to ask!
ONE: THE PROBLEM ISN’T BOY NAMES ON GIRLS. IT’S THE IDEA THAT OUR BOYS CAN’T SHARE A NAME WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S DAUGHTER.
The right name can be the right name, nevermind if you welcome a daughter or a son.
It’s worth recognizing if your choice is controversial – and deciding how you feel about that in advance.
But ultimately, boy names on girls are only a problem when we behave as if being used for girls somehow taints names, making them less appropriate for our son.
SO … SHOULD YOU USE BOY NAMES ON GIRLS?
My main objection to boy names on girls isn’t about shrinking the pool of possible names for our sons.
It’s the idea that finding strong names for our daughters somehow requires eschewing anything feminine. Eleanor and Ruth find this idea ridiculous. Actually, so do Nancy and Amy and Angela and Marie and Christine and hundreds of other names, all worn by women who have excelled in any number of fields.
Tailored favorites, like Claire and Jane and Helen and Katherine, all feel conventionally and traditionally feminine without being frilly. But does it matter? Just look at the Forbes 100 index of the world’s most powerful women. For every Judith, there’s a Vicki.
Don’t embrace boy names on girls because it’s the only way to find strong names for our daughters. But if other reasons make a traditionally masculine name a compelling choice? Then proceed … with your eyes open.
How do you feel about boy names on girls? Have you ever considered BNOGs for your family?
First published on July 2, 2011, this post was revised and re-published on November 25, 2020.
Oh and I’m not a fan of the two unisex names trend either – Riley Anne and Evan Marie, is one thing, Riley Blair and Evan Lee is another. Remember that quiz on unisex names For Real Names had on her blog? I don’t think anyone did better than about 60% at guessing which were male and which were female, while many of us didn’t even get half right.
I hear you! I do think that you get one unisex/gender-bender name per child. William Lynn is great. Blair Elisabeth? Go for it! But if your name would make ForReal’s quiz, well … that’s a signal to rethink. Hmmm … there’s a post in that …
I’m becoming more and more accepting of traditionally male names becoming unisex, but I agree that giving a girl two of these unisex names will just cause confusion because it makes the name look quite distinctly masculine. I also tend to be rather more in love with unisex names on boys — I had a serious crush on Cassidy for a boy while a teenager! I’m not sure that I’m brave enough to go that route with my own son though.
I agree that if you do use a unisex/gender bender name then you should definitely go with a gender specific name to avoid some of the confusions and to give the child an option to go with that name if they wish. But it can also be hard to predict ahead of time what names might shift or become popular. When my mom chose Chelsea for me it wasn’t really popular at all, at least not in the UK that she knew of, but it was listed in the girl;s names in her book. But my middle name Kieran was most definitely a boys name and I have only ever heard of male Kierans, but now rather suprisingly (and worrying to me LOL) is that at least on the forums in the US this name seems to be trending girl now too. So you can try and avoid problems but might still get caught out.
I’m going to go with Sara A. on this one…I don’t have a problem with boys names on girls or vice versa…but there are quite a few unisex names that I dislike (Jayden, Peyton ..)… just like there are quite a few (currently singularly) masculine and feminine names that I dislike as well. I myself adore the name Laurence for a girl (traditionally its the feminine version of Laurent) and I’d like take back one for the boys and honor my mother in the process by using Lynn for a boys middle name. Some might argue that I should use Lynn for a daughter in order to honor my mother, but I feel that Lynn as a girls middle is rather contrite where it feels fresh and viable for a boy.
If our second had been a boy, I would likely have used Clare in the middle spot to honor my mom. (Though it might’ve ended up being an extra middle.) And I agree – often a name feels fresh for a boy again when it still sounds dated for a girl. Kelly, for example – love it on a boy, but it feels like a mom’s name on a girl.
I realized I just contracted myself in the above post saying that Luca is too feminine yet I like unisex names on men. I should clarify that it all really comes down to the name but that Im certainly not against unisex names on men.
Abby I hope you address this topic on the nameberry blog, I think it would be beneficial for some of the conservative namenerds to see the points you made in the article. Its always good to see both sides.
Wow, great article and Im really impressed that someone with Abby’s stature in the name world, would be fair about unisex names. I am all for unisex names on girls, so long as they have some familiar use in the real world already with girls using them. If its a name like Parker, Sulliven, Miller, even Kyle….Im just not keen on it. The name has to feel either somewhat feminine to my ears or be neutral. A name I do like is Luca, its to feminine for my taste to use on a boy (unless we lived in Italy) and its not used on girls in the US (at least enough to be familiar) so although I love the name, I will likely not use it for either gender. Lastly, I do like unisex names on boys as well. Kelly, Tracy, Shannon…yes I think these give off a very cool vibe. Ive known a few and they never seemed to have any issues.
I guess another issue is “foreign” names that are masculine or feminine in their own countries, but do a gender-switch when they move to an Anglophone country. In France, Anne and Marie can be male names, Claude and Laurence are female names. Misha is a boy’s name in Russian, but is seen as feminine here. Cruz is unisex, but traditionally mostly feminine in Spain, but very masculine here so far. This often seems to be a cross-cultural sore point.
My nephew has a unisex name, and it’s quite common, so he’s used to sharing a classroom with boys and girls that have his name. It never seems to have bothered him or his family at all.
I don’t mind unisex names, but I do wish parents would introduce them as “my son Peyton” or “my daughter River” rather than just saying their names, as I worry I’m going to make some massive social faux pas at some point and give them a complex or something. If I ever pick a unisex name (which I’d probably only do on a boy), I promise faithfully to say, “my son Leaf” (or whatever) until he’s well into puberty and his masculinity is hopefully no longer in any doubt.
I have to agree with the “my son/daughter River” point especially after meeting people who are offended that you didnt automatically know their little Ryan was a girl. Im sorry but if you are going to use a unisex name be prepared for people to make mistakes…if your child is four months old, bald, wearing a white onesie and named Ryan Im not going to know shes a girl…
Sometimes a child can be 15 or so and you’re still in the dark … I have trouble telling emo girls from emo boys …
That’s an excellent point, Waltzing – in fact, I think I need to reshape some of these bullets to get that in there. There are plenty of examples where the masculine form would be feminine in English, and a few that go the other way, too.
You make some good points, and I do agree that the world is not going to come crashing down because of an increase in the use of traditionally masculine names on girls. However, I agree strongly with Sarah A that as long as the borrowing remains unidirectional, it seems a reminder of our discomfort with the notion of boys who have anything feminine about them. I’m particularly bothered when I hear of parents who chose a masculine name for their daughter because they wanted her to have a ‘strong’ name, as though it would be impossible to find a name that is both strong and feminine.
I actually like masculine-sounding nicknames for girls, such as Nick, Sam or Jo, but only as short forms for feminine names. I just find the whole surname-or-masculine-name-on-a-girl to be a trend that was played out a long time ago and would be happy to see it die out. But with young, attractive female celebrities named Hayden, Taylor, Evan, Blake, and Leighton on the scene, plus fictional characters like Glee’s Quinn, I doubt that’s likely to happen any time soon.
I agree, Havoye – it is frustrating that almost anything goes for girls, but it is VERY easy to trigger “he’ll get beat to a pulp” comments with so many boys’ names.
On the other hand, we have loosened up at least a little when it comes to boys’ names. Popular choices DO end in -a, like Noah and Joshua. So that’s something. And while the rise of the -aidens still confuses me, it does signal a greater willingness to be creative with our sons’ names – sort of.
My daughter’s name was picked partly because it was medieval French in origin but still familiar to the modern ear (Stephanie) and feminine without being frilly. All the boys names I like are firmly masculine. Aaron, Dexter, Peregrine.
I look at it differently since it’s likely we’ll move to Germany sometime in the next 5-6 years, we need to keep the German naming conventions in mind. Our youngest daughter’s birth name was a newly unisex, surname name. Germans not only see the name as male but as “Amerikaner.” I wanted my daughter to have a name that could easily cross borders and a lot of the new unisex names scream “I AM AN AMERICAN!”
My neighbor kids names are Loren, Kelly, Casey and Mica. They’re a blended family, but I find it fascinating that Kelly the only boy.
So you were keeping German naming conventions in mind…but still gave your daughter a unisex name that reads as male and American to Germaans? How does that make sense?
Sorry I wasn’t clear there…
We adopted our youngest daughter and we changed her name because her birth name didn’t met German naming conventions.
Julie-
Ah I see. Sorry if my orginal response came off harsh. After re-reading, it seems judgemental. I do think it makes sense to take into consideration where your child will grow up when choosing names.
I’ll admit that this is one of those issues that really started sticking in my craw only after I became a name nerd, go figure 😉 I personally don’t have a problem with it if it’s a nice enough name.
I like the names Kyle, Shannon, Kelly, Meredith, Casey, etc. so to see them on girls isn’t a big deal because I find them attractive already. But Riley, Peyton, Jayden, etc. I’d rather not hear on anyone (no offense).
What I do have a problem with is how unbending our conceptualization of gender is. When the day comes that I hear/read someone suggest Aidan for a girl and then suggest Olivia for a boy, I’ll feel better about the gender flipping. I really dislike how it’s often those who suggest boy names for girls that balk at girl names for boys.
I agree that if it’s a name you really love and is important to you, then go for it. Noor and Farah both have history as boys names and they’re still on our list!
I actually attended high school (and I graduated in 1997) with a girl named Aidan.
I’m actually surprised nobody’s mentioned Cary (born Archibald Leach) Grant yet.
I answered your question on why there aren’t any boys called Olivia; I figured I’d better just go write my own blog entry and stop hogging someone else’s thread! 🙂
https://waltzingmorethanmatilda.com/2011/07/10/help-help-a-girl-stole-my-boy-name-or-how-much-should-we-panic-about-gender-bending-names/
We like the gender nurture name Aubrey but we made her name more girly. Until parents can named your son Sue or Anne without getting beat up. Parents should stick to girls names for girls and stick with boys names for boys. We lived in double standard world. Not only a boys name will affect him in school but can affect him as a man in the work place. People won’t take him seriously because of his name.
Sharon, I understand your hesitation. But I don’t think it plays out that way in the real world – and with every passing generation, that’s more + more true. My kids are growing up with girls and boys with the names Riley and Micah and Jordan, and it’s just shrugged off. Part of it is that so few names repeat that we don’t know enough Kellys to see them as feminine. If we’ve met one Kelly and he’s a boy, then that’s just the way it is.
Well, I clearly prefer my kids to either be boyish or girlish, but don’t have a major problem with most boys names on girls/ girls names on boys. I just think some of them sound ugly on either: Kyle’s got an ugly sound, period. There’s a host of reasons why I prefer girls names on girls & boys names on boys but the main one is simple: I was mistaken for a boy between the ages of 7 – 11. Short hair, a stick- like figure and a penchant for jeans & tees did it. I still get mistaken for a guy on the phone, even now! Yes, I have a low voice for a woman, think Lauren Bacall and you’ve got my tone, perfectly.
If someone on a board asked for thoughts on a boy named Rex, I’d say “That’s my top boy name”! And probably add that I think a girl Rex might cry more than she ought because of her name. But might is just that, a big maybe. All I know is what I prefer both on my own kids and what I hear on others. But I’d never shun someone because They named their kids something I dislike nor would I shun them because of their name. We have good friends named Carol & Kelly. Go ahead, which one’s which? ( for the record, Carol’s the guy, Kelly’s the gal). we also know a guy Kelly and a girl Wally. So, it really doesn’t hinder my progress in the world. I just don’t like doing it myself! 😀
Thanks, Lola! And I cannot imagine a girl named Rex – but I can imagine a girl named Ryan or Reese, just as easily as I can imagine a boy with either of those names.
BTW, love Carol on a boy – not so much on a girl. But I do think that if I can say that, someone ought to be able to say the opposite – that they like it only for a girl.
Back in the 90s, my parents’ church had a male pastor named Carol. And he must have been born in the early 1940s, I think. Just a different spelling than Carroll, really.