<span style=”color:#0000ff;”><strong><em>Note: I’m always excited to have a name story to share, but this one is different – the enthusiast is a dad!</em></strong></span>
My story is a little unusual right off the bat in that I’m a guy. I work with words for a living, and their meanings and histories have always fascinated me. So when I found out my wife was pregnant, I joined all kinds of online baby-name communities and began doing research. I found that I was one of very few men on most of the sites, but I was always welcomed wherever I went. It had simply never occurred to me till then that baby-naming was, or even should be, the exclusive province of moms. But the deeper I got into some of the sites I frequented, the more I discovered that (1) most men seem to either not have an interest in names or come up with lousy suggestions, and (2) a lot of women believe that since they’re the ones who have to carry the baby for nine months and go through the anguish of labor, they’ve earned the right to bestow a name on the baby, and the dad really doesn’t get much of a say in the matter. Fair enough, but I charged ahead anyway, and my wife was totally supportive. I think she got tired of all the baby-name test balloons I kept floating, but she always remained a good sport about it.
The first thing we both did was decide what kind of names we <em>didn’t</em> want to use:
<ul>
<li>Family names. We wanted our child to be his or her own person.</li>
<li>Bible names. No <strong>Matthew, Michael, Joshua</strong>, or <strong>Jacob</strong>. Just not our style. We’re not terribly religious people.</li>
<li>Anything too popular or trendy. This meant that <strong>Zoe</strong> fell of my list of likes fairly quickly.</li>
<li>Place names, virtue names, and occupation names. No <strong>Austin</strong>, no <strong>Charity</strong>, no <strong>Mason</strong>. However, I didn’t mind the name <strong>Alexandria</strong>, only because we lived in Alexandria, <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Virginia” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2010/10/25/baby-name-of-the-day-virginia/” target=”_blank”><strong>Virginia</strong></a>, for several years, so choosing that name would have at least had special significance for us.</li>
<li>Anything made up or misspelled. I don’t think “cre8ive” names do children any favors.</li>
<li>Gender-neutral names. We believed that a boy should have a name that’s clearly male, and a girl should have a name that’s clearly female. Is Hayden male or female? I have no idea. What about <strong>Skyler/Skylar</strong>? (I would have used <strong>Schuyler</strong> anyway.)</li>
<li>Boys’ names on a girl. That went not just for the likes of <strong>Aubrey</strong> and <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Ryan” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2010/07/09/baby-name-of-the-day-ryan/” target=”_blank”><strong>Ryan</strong></a>, but also for patronyms-as-first-names. I was not about to name a daughter <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Madison” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2011/05/13/baby-name-of-the-day-madison/” target=”_blank”><strong>Madison</strong></a>, <strong>MacKenzie</strong>, or anything else that means “son of [name].”</li>
</ul>
Eventually, my wife started showing interest in focusing on boys’ names — which was fine with me, because I was having a much easier time coming up with girls’ names. Her initial favorites were <a title=”Name of the Day: Trevor” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/12/04/name-of-the-day-trevor/” target=”_blank”><strong>Trevor</strong></a> and <a title=”Name of the Day: Sebastian” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/06/27/name-of-the-day-sebastian/” target=”_blank”><strong>Sebastian</strong></a>. But she eventually settled on <a title=”Name of the Day: Damian” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2009/04/01/name-of-the-day-damian/” target=”_blank”><strong>Damian</strong></a>. I was a little concerned that it would sound too much like my name, <a title=”Name of the Day: Adrian” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2009/03/06/name-of-the-day-adrian/” target=”_blank”><strong>Adrian</strong></a> — long A in the first syllable, long E sound in the second, “un” sound in the third syllable — and the boy and I would both come running when she called one of our names!
The middle name took a little longer to settle. Again, my wife took the lead and at first preferred <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Zarek” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2011/04/14/baby-name-of-the-day-zarek/” target=”_blank”><strong>Zarek</strong></a>. She came across the name in a book series by Sherrilyn Kenyon, and she liked the character by that name. But Zarek eventually gave way to something even more exotic: <strong>Abraxas</strong>. It was a name she’d come across when she was doing some fiction writing of her own and used it in her story. She liked its “magical” overtones. So Damian Abraxas it was.
My suggestions for boy names were:
<ul>
<li><strong><a title=”Name of the Day: Henry” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/05/22/name-of-the-day-henry/” target=”_blank”>Henry</a> David</strong>, for Thoreau, my favorite author.</li>
<li><strong><a title=”Name of the Day: Alexander” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/12/17/name-of-the-day-alexander/” target=”_blank”>Alex</a> Sawyer</strong>. My last name is <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Rush” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2011/08/08/baby-name-of-the-day-rush/” target=”_blank”><strong>Rush</strong></a>, and I happen to be a big fan of the band Rush. (It tends to catch wise guys off guard when they tease me about my name and ask me if I like the band, and I tell them, “As a matter of fact, I do!”) Alex would have been for Alex Lifeson, the band’s guitarist, and Sawyer would have been for “<strong>Tom</strong> Sawyer,” one of their best-known songs. Using Sawyer would have bent our prohibition on occupation names, but I had to make an exception in this case. How many Rush fans get to show off their fandom with their very own names?</li>
</ul>
I took the lead on the girl names, and I had no shortage of names that I really liked. The first was <strong>Lyra</strong>. I’m a fan of music and astronomy, and Lyra covers them both, as the musical lyre and Lyra the constellation. Lyra was also the name of the headstrong, clever young girl in the book series <em>His Dark Materials</em>, which I quite enjoyed. It also just happened that the band Rush name-dropped the constellation Lyra in one of their songs!
Then I drifted into Greek names, and I found a treasure trove of names I adored, from Zoe to <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Irene” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2010/07/12/baby-name-of-the-day-irene/” target=”_blank”><strong>Irene</strong></a>, <a title=”Name of the Day: Iris” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/06/12/name-of-the-day-iris/” target=”_blank”><strong>Iris</strong></a> to <strong>Helen</strong>. The one name that jumped out at both me and my wife was <a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Penelope” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/03/01/baby-name-of-the-day-penelope/” target=”_blank”><strong>Penelope</strong></a>. I loved the story of <strong>Odysseus'</strong> wife, and we were both familiar with the name from having watched the TV show <em>Criminal Minds</em>, where the FBI techie is named Penelope. I thought it sounded quirky, old-fashioned, slightly refined, and a little bit British. Recognizable, but not overly common.
Penelope settled in as our middle name of choice. But what about the first name? For a while, I thought it would be nice to use a name that meant “peace” or “love,” so Irene and <a title=”Name of the Day: Carys” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2008/11/05/name-of-the-day-carys/” target=”_blank”><strong>Carys</strong></a> both made appearances for a while. Those combos didn’t quite work for us, so we kept searching for something that sounded right, had a nice meaning, and wasn’t overly common.
Ultimately, it came down to three names:
<ul>
<li><a title=”Name of the Day: Beatrix” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2009/07/27/name-of-the-day-beatrix/” target=”_blank”><strong>Beatrix</strong></a>, the blessed traveler. Talk about quirky, old-fashioned, and British! I adored this name, and we even started telling people it was going to be our girl name. My wife liked it well enough, but she hated the thought of the nickname <strong>Trixie</strong>, which to her is all stripper/porn star. It just made me think of <em>The Honeymooners</em>, but then I’m weird.</li>
<li><a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Miranda” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2010/06/18/baby-name-of-the-day-miranda/” target=”_blank”><strong>Miranda</strong></a>, “worthy of admiration.” A Shakespeare invention. I liked this one, but it wasn’t at the top of my list. Can’t go wrong with a literary reference. The only strike against it for me was that as much as my wife didn’t like the nickname Trixie for Beatrix, I disliked <strong>Randy</strong> for Miranda.</li>
<li><a title=”Baby Name of the Day: Saoirse” href=”https://appellationmountain.net/2010/12/10/baby-name-of-the-day-saoirse/” target=”_blank”><strong>Saoirse</strong></a>, “liberty.” I fell deeply, madly in love with Saoirse. Not only did it speak to my Irish heritage, but it also encapsulated the spirit of wonder, openness, and adventure that I hoped our girl’s childhood would be filled with. What better name for a child who you hope becomes a true free spirit? Unfortunately, after I got my wife on board with the name, I started to question whether I wanted to subject a child to a lifetime of having to spell and pronounce her name for everyone. That got my wife thinking about it as well, and by the time I’d come to peace with the name again, my wife’s misgivings remained. But she knew how much I loved it, so rather than tell me to forget about it, she simply agreed that if we were to have a girl, I could choose the name, while she’d choose the boy name. When I asked her what her choice for a girl would be if it were up to her, she said Miranda.</li>
</ul>
We wanted to know the sex of the baby ahead of time, but the baby had other plans. We had two ultrasounds, and the child refused to show us the goods both times! So we ended up painting the nursery yellow and buying neutral-colored clothes and just waited for the baby to show up.
The day arrived about three weeks ahead of the due date, only four days after my wife was full term. Labor went very quickly — so quickly, in fact, that our midwife almost didn’t make it in time! I got to catch our baby and make the call on the sex. It was a girl!
Now the pressure was on me to come up with a name. But when my wife asked me what the baby’s name would be, I didn’t hesitate for a second: She was Miranda Penelope. Somewhere during my wife’s labor, I let go of Saoirse. After seeing what my wife went through to bring our baby into the world, she got to pick whatever name she wanted — and I suddenly understood what all those women on the baby-naming sites meant when they said the woman earns the right to do so.
When it came down to it, the choice really was my wife’s to make — but at least I got to offer my input over the course of her pregnancy, and for that I’m grateful.
Now our daughter will just have to put up with my silly nickname for her: Miranda Penelope, for me, has become <strong>Mandy-Penny</strong>. I figure she’ll either love it or hate it when she gets older! Time will tell. But for now, I think it’s an adorable nickname for an adorable little girl.
<span style=”color:#0000ff;”><strong><em>Congratulations on your new daughter, and what a lovely, lovely name! Readers, if you have a name story to share, you can submit it to appmtn (at) gmail (dot) com.</em></strong></span>
What a lovely story! I really like Miranda Penelope. It has a special feel.
Oh, I love Miranda Penelope! Congratulations! And I think it’s awesome to see a male name nerd 😉 I think you two did an excellent job of picking names that matter to both of you.
Such a sweet story, and Mandy-Penny’s nothing – my mom, for whatever reason, took to calling my infant self Pawteensie.
But I don’t like when women claim they have the right to name the kid because they’re carrying it/pushing it out. If you’re in a committed relationship, you will both shoulder the load of parenting, you’ll both love that kid…it just creates unnecessary tension in my eyes. Then again, I’m probably too jaded about relationships.
To her eternal credit, my wife said pretty much the same thing about sharing the load. I’m going to be a stay-at-home dad while she goes back to work, so she’s made a point of saying that even though she carried the baby for nine months, I’m going to be “carrying” her for a lot longer than that! The notion that she earned the right to name the baby was totally mine, not hers. I think she would have been fine if I’d insisted on Beatrix or even Saoirse.
But maybe not Gretchen. She always hated that name. 🙂
Everyone can veto something they really hate! I appreciate that you initiated the sentiment – I’ve heard too many women say it and mean it, though, which is why my back went up 🙂
Veto names are always allowed, however 😉
Just as another thought, some women feel that they should have more of an input on the given names after they’ve agreed to use the father’s last name for the baby.
Got to love a guy name nerd with a big heart for his wife and his new baby girl… Congrats!!! Her name is beautiful! … I also like the story of how your name interests changed after joining the naming community. I noticed Zoe was on the list and quickly got scratched because of her popularity, to this day Zoe remains the only (serious) name that my husband has offered into the mix and I like it, but man the popularity and cutesy just doesnt do it for me. I sorta feel bad sometimes and waffle about putting it on the short list but I just cant seem to do it. As we will be adopting (therefore the whole, mom went through pregnancy and birth so she gets the trump card thing isnt an argument) I wanted it to be more of a mutual decision and still think about Zoe. I am an over the top name nerd, with excell sheets and files, even a list of considered names and why they were vetoed, so I know he will probably never share my derangement, but I often wonder if I will regret being the sole namer. Ah well … for now he agrees with the list the way it is, so I will not be too hard on myself. Wow that was a long post about me… any way, again Congrats!!! She has a lovely well thought out name!
Nicole we adopted as well. Not only couldn’t I pull the nine-month trump card, we did an open domestic adoption, so we needed to consider our daughter’s first-mom’s opinion too. I still did the spread sheets and a notebook full of lists, but I had two other namers vetoing my choices.
Good luck, I hope your wait isn’t much longer!
How fantastic that you took such active participation in your child’s name, and it is so kind of you to honor your wife’s preferences in the end too! As a “daddy’s-girl” myself, I think it will do much for your relationship with her for her to know you took such interest in her! My dad’s nickname for me “Sara Jane” is actually dear enough to me my husband has been encouraging me to legally change my name to that, since I don’t care for my actual middle name. 🙂 Perhaps your daughter will love Mandy-Penny too, since she’ll know that is your special name for her. Thanks for sharing!
Miranda Penelope is a great name! I love it.
Felt all warm and fuzzy at the end of this story – what a lovely partner you are!
What a wonderful story. Congrats on your beautifully named little girl.
Great story! Miranda Penelope is a lovely combo. I’ve always loved both names.
I enjoyed your name story very much and am delighted with the name you chose. Our youngest granddaughter (age 4) is Miranda Elizabeth, a name very similar in rhythm and length to your Miranda Penelope. Our family has a tradition of giving each child a family name, and our little Miranda shares her middle name with her mother. We call her “Mira”.