Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed.
We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight!
Taylor writes:
Our first child is due in March, and we had a name all ready to go: Josephine Mary. Mary is a family name on both sides. Josephine is the name I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. We’ve told others the name, because, well, not even a celebrity naming her surprise baby Josephine was going to put me off it.
But then I had my baby shower. And so many people I love referred to my daughter – even on cards – as Josie.
I do not like this name at all. It reminds me of the Drew Barrymore movie, where her nickname was Josie Gross-y. Yes, I realize that it’s kind of obvious, but … is this going to be a thing?
Please read on for my response, and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
Dear Taylor –
Congratulations on your new daughter! Josephine Mary is a gorgeous name, and I’m sorry you faced such an unexpected surprise at your baby shower.
Let’s take a few steps back:
First, we live in an age when lots of kids are William-not-Billy and Isabella-not-Belle. It’s pretty normal for even toddlers to answer to their full name, and I’ve found that teachers and other parents are generally pretty respectful of such requests.
Thinking back through my kids’ classmates and friends, there have been a few school-aged Josephines in our circles. One was always Josephine, without exception. Another one is always Josie. And a third is always Josephine at school, but I’m friendly with her mom, and I’ve heard her sometimes called Josie at home.
My guess is that this represents the full spectrum of possibilities: you can choose Josephine and never shorten it to Josie – or anything else! You can use a nickname 99% of the time. Or you can use her formal name most of the time, but reserve the right to call her Josie (or Fifi or Honey or Boo) at home, should the mood strike you.
So I think you can – and probably should proceed. Just plan on introducing her as Josephine, and gently correcting anyone who shortens it. This should work … most of the time.
I can think of a few tricky situations:
The people bestowing the unwanted nickname are her adoring grandparents. My husband’s parents have nicknames for our kids that no one else uses. This is fine. Along with extra candy and gifts I would NEVER buy, I chalk this up to grandparent privilege. (And I’d suggest most families do the same.)
Except if you’re lucky enough to have grandparents nearby, and they provide occasional – or regular – childcare. That’s a different kind of relationship, one where you’ll have to deal with lots of similar issues. If they’re you’re in-laws, then this one is on your husband. But if they’re your parents? This is one those issues you’ll have to handle. Polite-but-firm is a good guideline, and I’m guessing you’ll know how to talk to your parents best.
The person bestowing the nickname is another child. Some of the most interesting nicknames turn out to be the result of a slightly-older sibling or cousin struggling with the new baby’s name. (Or a future younger sibling/cousin.) These make for terribly sweet stories, but it doesn’t mean you’re going to love the name any better. I think you can acknowledge that it’s darling that cousin Sebastian can’t say Josephine without adopting whatever he happens to call her instead. Because for every family who retains the baby-talk nickname, there must be dozens and dozens who move on, right?
The person choosing the nickname is … your child! Here’s a really touchy subject. Let’s say you gracefully navigate a few well-meaning friends or family members who shorten your daughter’s name. Not even the sweet kid next door who calls her “baby Jojo” gives you a minute’s pause.
And then your adorable second grader comes home and announces she’s Josie. Or your newly independent high school freshman decides to shorten her name. Maybe it’s her middle school swim team who starts cheering on “Josie” during a meet and it all takes you by surprise – again.
This is a very different situation. At some point, our kids get to make their own decisions. And while you might be able to wait out a second grader, or even ignore the middle school nickname? Your child might eventually insist – and it’s awfully hard to say no. (I mean, you don’t have to call your kiddo Rainbow Sparkle, but Josie for Josephine doesn’t feel like an unreasonable request.)
But here’s the silver lining: you have a negative reaction to Josie today. It’s based on a 90s movie. (One that your daughter will probably never see.) Layer on four or five or ten or a dozen years of parenting this girl? And I’m guessing that Drew’s character will fade to a distant memory.
If your daughter asks for a nickname – and some kids do – you can suggest lots of things besides Josie.
But if your daughter asks to be called Josie? I’m guessing you might warm to the name when it’s your actual, flesh-and-blood, beloved daughter making the request.
Or you might be fine with her peers using the nickname, but feel more comfortable telling her that she’s still Josephine to you. Plenty of nicknames for kids seem situational – only on a sports team, maybe, or just among this one group of friends.
That’s a situation that you have time to figure out – if it ever happens.
Assuming you can navigate the first two hurdles, and figure out the third should the situation arise, my gut is to tell you to use the name you love – even if you occasionally have to explain that you prefer Josephine in full, thanks.
I can suggest plenty of substitutes for Josephine. Genevieve, maybe? Adelaide, Eloise, Georgia?
But my sense is that Josephine will work just fine.
One last note: when your daughter identifies as Josephine? Some of the work of correcting others falls to her. And that’s not a bad thing.
Let’s have a poll, and readers – have you ever had to avoid an unwanted nickname? Any advice?
Image by Khusen Rustamov from Pixabay
My thought on this has evolved as my kids have gotten older. I think it is very fashionable to choose the preferred form of a name and most people will respect that and follow your lead. This only works though when your child is young and you are filling in the forms/making the introductions. Once they hit an independent age they will fill in the forms and make their own introductions and at that point their name is entirely out of your hands.
So one day your daughter may want to be Josie and there is nothing you can do. Fortunately, by that age her peers are very unlikely to be into immature name-rhyme teasing and there will be so much more going on that her chosen name form will be a very small facet of your life and probably won’t bother you much at all. When they are babies and toddlers their names are a HUGE deal but as they get older other things come into play and you won’t be as emotionally invested.
All to say I would go with it and call her Josephine and let people call her whatever they like as long as it is said with love 🙂
I love the name, but if a bunch of people are already calling her Josie, and you just can’t stand that name, then I would say pick a different name. Since you don’t seem to mind nicknames in general, and the people in your circle seem to adore them, maybe pick a name that has just one nick name. You could also pick one that has plenty of nicknames and use your favorite on the birth announcement. ie Margaret Mary “Maggie Mae” Surname born 12-31-2020. I do agree with the commenter who mentioned that it was really bad manners for others to assume a nickname at all.
Maybe I’ve lived a life sheltered from Josephines, but I do not think of Josie as a given nickname for Josephine. My first thought would be Jo due to Josephine March, but just like with the many Elizabeths, Abigails, Amelias, and other nickname-friendly girl names, I think it would be easy to be a Josephine and avoid Josie.
Josephine is a lovely name. There’s one in my son’s 6th grade class and she goes by Josie.
If you really can’t stand the nickname Josie, then I wouldn’t use Josephine. People have already started using the nickname, before your daughter is even born. You can correct them, but it’s highly likely that your daughter’s friends or your daughter herself will one day end up using Josie. Especially since Josephine is 3 syllables long. We went with Rose and my husband really dislikes the nickname Rosie. One friend tried to use it at one point, but it never stuck. Possibly partly because Rose is already such a short name. If we’d gone with something longer like Rosemary, I think Rosie would have been more likely.
So I guess it all depends on exactly how much you dislike the nickname. I would never think of Josie-Grossy – but I’ve not seen that movie. I don’t think kids would likely use that at school.
I don’t think having a longer name makes a nickname inevitable. I know plenty of people who go by full 3- or 4-syllable names (Isabella not Bella, Sophia not Sophie, Olivia not Liv or Livvy, Madelyn not Maddie, Amanda not Mandie, etc.). I even know a young Rosemary who is not ‘Rosie’, but exclusively Rosemary. So I don’t think Josephine’s length will make ‘Josie’ unavoidable at all.
Go ahead and name her Josephine if you love the name. Politely correct any people who call her Josie on their own (which is not very good manners on their part, imo). If you find another nickname you like, then mention it. Or just say we’re not giving her a nickname until she’s old enough to choose. People are very into letting kids choose everything these days so they’ll probably accept that.
Absolutely use Josephine! It’s a great name!
I wouldn’t worry about the nickname being an issue. If you introduce her exclusively as Josephine and smilingly correct anyone who refers to her as Josie, you’ll be fine. I don’t think anyone is going to have a problem being told that you would prefer her to be called by her full name, Josephine. I know I didn’t! I knew a Jillian who I just automatically called “Jill”, until, of course, I was told very politely that, actually, it’s Jillian. And that’s totally okay! After being told once, people probably won’t have an issue keeping that in mind because there’s definitely nothing wrong with you loving a name and wanting your daughter to be called by that name. 🙂
Mary for a first would be a greater honor and sound much fresher, more timeless. Josephine is definitely on an upswing and I think may end up being a name that really time-stamps her age (like Linda, Jessica, etc). That combined with how much you don’t like the nickname makes me want to encourage you to go for Mary in the first place spot!
I have a Josephine. She is almost exclusively Josie. But sometimes Josephine, Jo, JoJo, Josie Posey. Never ever heard Josie Gross-y.
My mother-in-law begged me not to nickname my daughter Margaret as Maisy because “everyone will call her crazy Maisy or lazy Maisy!” 8 years later, that’s still never happened. While no one ever spells Maisy correctly, everyone at least uses that name instead of Maggie or any other Margaret nickname. So, I wouldn’t worry about the Josie-Grossy thing. But if you really hate the sound of Josie, skip the whole name. I would tell you the same thing if you love Matthew but hate Matt, or Gregory and Greg. You can’t control everyone from making automatic assumptions.
Yeah… this is a human being; you have control over her name for maybe 5 years of her entire, long life, if that (depending on the people in your circles).
If you have a preferred nickname but tolerate the others, I say go for that name. If you HATE the obvious nickname(s), don’t. So consider how you will feel if she ends up Josie (or another nn) to everyone but you, which is a very real possibility.
FWIW I don’t think Josie Gross-y is going to be a thing any more than any other dumb name teasing that is inevitable with every single name. And Josephine and all its nicknames are wonderful! The new Little Women film may boost it; Josephine “Jo” March is a good namesake.
And congratulations!