THEIR FAVORITE NAME WAS MEANT FOR A SON …
Jenna writes:
We have a daughter named Lyla Marie. When she was born, our boy name was Ezra, and I always imagined our second child would be a boy.
Now we’re expecting our second child, and it’s a girl. I am honestly thrilled, and I loved growing up with my sister. But I’m pretty sure we won’t have any more children, and I’m feeling really sad that we won’t have our Ezra.
My husband suggesting we name this baby Ezra, with a super girly middle name like Rose or Jane or something.
I’m kind of in love with the idea, but also worried it somehow declares to the world that we thought we’d have a boy.
There’s no other name that feels right, even though I’ve looked through so many ideas.
I could use some outsider perspective on this: can Ezra be a name for a girl?
Our last name starts with a B and ends with an EE sound, so that rules out lots of names like Ruby that we also like.
Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
… BUT IT COULD WORK FOR THEIR DAUGHTER
Abby replies:
Congratulations on your new daughter!
I’m not in the habit of telling parents they can’t use a name. My please-don’t list is very, very brief. (To date, it includes the names Adolf and Lucifer.)
But I do think you’re wise to hesitate and question your decision. Ezra is a very, very popular name for boys, and it’s likely that a girl named Ezra would sometimes be mistaken for Lyla’s brother. So let’s try to put some data around how the name is used.
EZRA: BY the NUMBERS
First, the data:
- In the year 2023, 8,437 boys and 368 girls received the name.
- An additional 379 boys and 39 girls were named Ezrah.
- 38 girls and 8 boys were named Esra.
That means that Ezra ranked #15 for boys in the US, with Ezrah following at #698. On the girls’ side, Ezra came in at #762.
While Ezra has appeared in the boys’ US Top 1000 nearly every year since data was first compiled, stretching back to 1880, Ezra debuted on the girls’ side quite recently, in 2018.
There’s no question: most people will perceive Ezra as a masculine name.
BOY NAMES ON GIRLS
Except, of course, conventionally masculine names have been used for women across the generations.
Shirley, Kimberly, Ashley, Evelyn, and more all crossed from occasionally-heard-for-boys to favorites for girls at different moments in time.
We’re used to seeing popular names for boys also rank in the girls’ Top 1000. Choices like Cameron, Dylan, and Ryan have been used for girls while remaining favorites for our sons.
Other names Riley, Payton/Peyton, Jordan, Taylor, Tatum, and River settle into a mostly-unisex pattern, at least for a while.
It’s sometimes called BNOG for short. For people who think about such things, it can provoke strong feelings. The most common arguments against borrowing boys’ names for girls sound a little like this:
- Boys are bullied for having “girl” names, so giving a girl a “boy” name ruins it.
- There aren’t as many good options for boys anyway, so having the girls take boy names is unfair.
- Until you can’t name a boy Margaret, you shouldn’t be able to name a girl James.
Except … the problem isn’t boy names on girls. It’s the idea that our boys can’t share a name with someone else’s daughter.
And I do think a every successive generation finds that idea more and more absurd.
So yes, name your daughter Ezra (or Charlie or Drew) and someone will be there to wag a disapproving finger in your direction.
But they’re kind of dinosaurs. And while everyone is entitled to their opinion, your choices don’t have to be governed by others’ worldviews.
ALTERNATIVES TO EZRA
I’m guessing you’ve considered every name under the sun, and keep coming back to Ezra. That’s perfect – because it means you’ve really tested this idea and built confidence in choosing it.
But let’s give it one last try, just in case The Perfect Name is out there.
CLEO
A vintage gem that sounds fresh and new.
EDEN
A Biblical place name that manages to be non-religious, ancient and very twenty-first century at the same time.
FALLON
An Irish import that’s been slowly gaining in use since the 1980s. Yes, there’s talk show host Jimmy Fallon, but it’s also been used for fictional characters – and, more on point, ranked in the girls’ Top 1000 in the US during the 1980s and 90s, returning in 2019.
MEADOW
A nature name with an innocent, wildflower kind of image.
PIPER
This name surged into the US Top 100 in 2012, a pop culture phenomenon finally breaking into the mainstream. It’s cooled off slightly since then, but fits nicely with favorites like Penelope and Poppy.
STELLA
A long-time Top 100 favorite, Stella has never lost a certain cool, confident edge.
TATUM
Rising favorite Tatum is firmly established as a unisex favorite, but still sounds like a sister for Lyla.
VIVIAN
Tailored and sophisticated, Vivian shortens to exuberant Vivi.
From my list, I love the sound of Vivian or Cleo with Lyla. But I’m really not sure either tops Ezra. Maybe thinking about middle names would help?
Vivian Rose, Cleo Sophia, Ezra Josephine, maybe? Or Ezra Elizabeth? It’s repetitive with the Z sounds, but I sort of like that quality. Lyla Marie and Vivian Grace, Lyla Marie and Cleo Jane, Lyla Marie and Ezra Rose?
I’m not sure, but I can see any of the three working. Let’s open it up to the readers.
I think Ezra is fine for a girl … but she might get mixed up for a boy a lot. I would personally consider using Ezra as a middle name instead, but I think whatever you want to do is great!
I think it sounds really nice with a one syllable girl name:
Brynn Ezra
Pearl Ezra
Jane Ezra
Gwen Ezra
Wren Ezra
Maeve Ezra
I’ll suggest Zara. It’s reminiscent in sound and look to Ezra, without any of the potential baggage. And it complements Lyra’s name beautifully.
Lyra & Zara
What script would you tell your younger daughter when she asks why you chose her name?
“Well, Ezra was the boy name we were going to use if Lyla was a boy. But since she was a girl, we used a girl name. We always imagined you would be a boy, so we just used Ezra for you instead of choosing a girl name like we did for Lyla.”
Does this make you cringe? Will it make her cringe?
The ideas of Esme, Azra, Estee, or any other of the feminine suggestions are lovely AND pair really well with Lyla! Then your answer could be, “We always loved the name Ezra, and that was the inspiration for deciding your name!”
Congratulations and best wishes to you and your growing family!
To me using Ezra for a girl doesn’t seem like much of an issue. It’s increasing in use for girls and has a similar length and syllable pattern to your other daughter’s name. Some people might assume on seeing your daughters name that she is a boy, but I think it likely wouldn’t be a huge issue. I have a name that people in the US often can’t place in terms of gender or assume is masculine and it’s never bothered me. I also don’t think your children’s names need to match perfectly. I say go with what you both love, because no matter what you choose some people won’t approve.
I just saw there is a Turkish girl name “Esra” that means “traveling at night.” Maybe this would work – with the different spelling, people won’t immediately think that it is a male name. There is also the name Esther, which I think is really pretty, and Lyla and Esther I could easily see as sisters.
I would also hesitate at using Ezra for your daughter. Does it pass the ‘would I want to wear this name my whole life?’ test for you as a woman? With a sister named Lyla and the story being your parents loved Ezra and wouldn’t be having a son? I’d save Ezra for a pet and choose another name for Lyla’s sister. If your first had a unisex or boyish name, I wouldn’t hesitate, but the contrast is glaring.
I actually think Esme would be amazing with Lyla and it’s very similar to Ezra (that stylish ‘ez’ sound.) Or Ines?
Is it too bad ee-ending don’t work with the surname, but there are plenty of lovely names that don’t end in ee, I hope that you can find one you love for this child.
I love Eden! It has a similar feel to Ezra.
You could even do Eden Zora for a little nod to Ezra.
I’d like to suggest Azra, which I guess is close enough to Ezra and is traditionally a girl name
I know of a female Ezra, as well as Noa and Michal. I think it’s a lovely name for a girl!
Hi! I think Ezra for a girl will cause problems for her. If you can get behind Eden, a gorgeous name, in my opinion, perhaps some of these potential issues could be avoided. Eden Sophie, Eden Ivy, Eden Romy, Eden Sylvie, Eden Sadie, etc. all would be lovely and match well with Lyla Marie. I also think first names like Maya and Mae would be nice siblings for Lyla Marie – I actually know of pairs of daughters with these names. Best wishes!!