Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed.
We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight!
Elissa writes:
We’re due with our fourth child, and third daughter, in January, and I’m embarrassed to admit that we can’t come up with a name.
We knew our son would be Michael Charles Jr. and we’d call him Charlie. (That’s also his grandpa’s name, so it’s doubly special.)
For girls, I’ve always suggested my favorite, and my husband has pretty much agreed. Our daughters are Natalie Claire and Amelia Grace. We mostly call them Natalie and Amelia, no nicknames.
This time, my husband doesn’t like anything I’ve suggested. My favorites are Annabelle, Tessa, Penelope, Evelyn, and Lily/Lillian. I’m not sure if that’s a style or not? I just like the names I like, and it’s always worked out fine.
This is our last baby, and he’s suggesting that we use a family name: Margaret. I don’t hate the name, but I feel like it’s weird that half of our kids would have family names (from his side) and half wouldn’t. Also, I don’t really like the sound of Margaret, and while our son has a nickname, it’s not really my thing. (I find it annoying when someone calls him Michael, and I have to explain.) Plus, while I think Charlie is sweet, I don’t really like Maggie.
I’d really like to find a name I like that my husband agrees to, too, but it seems like everything I suggest – and I’ve suggested probably another two dozen names besides the ones I’ve listed – just gets rejected.
Help!
Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
Abby writes:
Congratulations on your new daughter!
Naming is that rare parenting responsibility that gets harder with experience.
This is a tough one, because I almost want to argue that it’s only fair that each parent names two out of four children.
Except …
That’s not exactly what’s happening here, right?
For your son, you agreed to a family name that isn’t really your favorite because it felt meaningful – presumably to both of you.
Now your husband is suggesting a name that feels significant to him, but leaves you unmoved. There’s just not enough reason – for you, at least – to overcome your objections.
That means it’s time to find a compromise. It’s tempting to suggest more names that sound like sisters for Natalie and Amelia, but that’s not really the issue, right?
STARTING WITH MARGARET
Let’s find some options that start with your husband’s favorite name, but incorporate your style and preferences, too.
MARGARET AS A MIDDLE
The logical place for honor names that don’t feel like firsts? It’s the middle, of course. Tessa Margaret sounds perfect, as does Lily Margaret – a slightly shorter first to compensate for the longer middle. But dozens of first names would work.
A MARGARET NAME
If the middle won’t work, how about a Margaret-adjacent name?
Greta – It sounds just a little bit like Tessa. Natalie, Amelia, Charlie, and Greta are perfect together.
Margot – Originally a French nickname for Margaret, Margot has been around for centuries. It sounds current and stylish, and it’s nicely nickname-proof.
Pearl – Margaret means pearl – or at least that’s one of the name’s meanings. I’m not sure if Pearl appeals to you. It might be a perfect middle, of course.
Daisy – Another meaning attached to Margaret is Daisy, via Marguerite. It’s both the French form of Margaret and the French word for the flower.
Maisie – A Margaret nickname, less expected than Maggie, but with the same casual vibe.
ANOTHER MAR- NAME
Maren – As tailored as Evelyn, but with the Mar- sound.
Mariel – Like many Mar- names, Mariel comes from Mary, not Margaret. But it’s close enough to work, and Mariel sounds like a sister for Natalie and Amelia.
Marlo or Marlowe – I’m not sure either of these are quite your style, but both the sparky mid-century nickname and the surname name do share the Mar- sound.
ANOTHER FAMILY NAME
Sometimes life events prompt families to honor a loved one – even when it was never their plan before they started a family.
It’s not clear if that’s what explains your husband’s change of heart. But if it is, maybe there’s another name that you’d both love, one that serves as an honor name and feels like a fit for your family.
The bottom line: you don’t have to use a family name that just feels like a mismatch for your children. But you do have to work through any possible compromises that might satisfy you both. I gravitate towards Greta or Margot, as they’re clearly derived from Margaret – but feel like better fits with Natalie and Amelia.
Your children’s names are lovely and work well together. It looks like you gravitate to names which have an L syllable (even Charlie). Your girls also have longer elegant yet classic names. Possible contenders
Jocelyn
Rosalyn
Jacqueline
Juliet
Jillian
Ophelia
Cecilia
Abigail
Lorali
Congratulations and best wishes.
I’m chiming in again to suggest Gretel or Gretchen, both of which I find quite charming as elaborations on Greta.
It seems worth it to look at a few names similar to Natalie and Amelia since you mention that your husband hasn’t been moved by this round of suggestions:
Charlotte
Madeline
Lydia
Violet
I love the suggestion of Meg as a nod to Margaret, mostly because I love the name Meg and also because it could fit nicely with your one-syllable middle name trend.
Charlotte Meg?
If you don’t like Margaret or any of the nicknames, I think it’s fair for both of you to go back to brainstorming. Both parents should like the name. And I thinkle Margaret is a lovely middle name.
With Amelia, Natalie, and Charlie, I like:
Hannah
Lucy
Delilah
Abigail
Aubrey
I can’t help but think Eleanor might work. Similar to Evelyn, not a dissimilar style to Margaret, a slight nod to mom’s name. Sounds good with Charlie, Amelia and Natalie.
Another vote for Margot or Greta. Both would be perfect with the other kids and are a subtle nod to Margaret.
Hannah Margaret
Charlie, Natalie, Amelia, and…
Cecily Margaret
Beatrice Margaux
Verity Margaret
Noemi Margot
Ellery Margaret (nod to Mom’s name)
Emery Margaret
Delphine Margaret
Simone Margaret
Congrats and best wishes!
Your list of loved names is beautiful! Since your family already has one junior in it, how would you feel about sharing your name (or a close variant) with your daughter? Elise sounds like a sister to Amelia and Natalie to me. Or maybe you could name her Elissa and call her Ellis, or just name her Ellis if you really can’t get into the idea of a nickname? Because the rhythm of Elise or Ellis is different from your name, I don’t think they’d be too confusing said aloud with your name, but they obviously have a strong connection.
I just had another thought: Ivy (a subtle nod to #4 IV). Ivy Margaret would be lovely.
Another enthusiastic vote for Greta or Margot. I also like Maisie or even Meg.
My first thought is that your kids’ names all have a strong “li” sound: CharLIe, NataLIe and AmeLIa. So working off Margaret, would Magali or Magalie be an option?
This is straying from Margaret more but on the Li idea…Magnolia?
Margot is so perfect with Amelia and Natalie, regardless of any family connections, it should really be considered!
But since Charlie is a junior, what about Elise, Alice, Alyssa, Ellen or Melissa in honor of mom?
I would suggest Mabel.
I do love a good nickname though.
Margaret Annabelle?
Natalie, Amelia, Mabel & Charlie
Congrats!
I think names have to be agreed upon by both parents, as hard as this is. If your husband agreed to your older girls’ names, great. And you agreed to your son’s name, wonderful.
It sounds like he’s only offering one suggestion. I would encourage him to suggest more names! And that you’d be open to Margaret or a Margaret-inspired name in a middle spot.
That said, I love Greta. I think it’s a beautiful name. Like your other girls’ names, it doesn’t have a natural nickname.
Greta Jane, Greta Rose, Greta June. So lovely!
Congrats and good luck!!
It seems like you compromised a lot more on your son’s name than did your husband for your daughters, and I’m also of the opinion that each parent should possess veto power over names that they just cannot see working for their child, so I would not recommend giving your child the first name Margaret. Abby’s suggestion of using Margaret or a form of Margaret as a middle name is brilliant and strikes me as the perfect compromise. Now, for the first. I believe that, as a general rule, honor names should be relatively balanced from both sides of the family. (Unless, of course, there is the extenuating circumstance of estrangement, or something happens that makes a specific honor name feel right in the moment.) Honor names can also feel particularly loaded, because oftentimes spouses have drastically different relationships with and feelings towards the potential honoree. It’s one thing to have a style mismatch between the names that each partner likes, which should still be taken into consideration, but it’s an entirely different matter if one partner has a painful or negative relationship with the person their child could prospectively be named after. I do not know if that’s the case here, but I would recommend being upfront and honest if it is. This, combined with the imbalance of honor names that currently exists, compels me to encourage you to choose a name from your side of the family, with your husband taking active part in selecting the ones he likes best, stylistically. However, if you would prefer to eschew honor names altogether/choose Margaret or a form of Margaret in the middle, I do have a number of suggestions that sound like a sister for Charlie, Natalie, and Amelia. I think we’re looking for a popular, traditional name, with a current feel.
Eleanor
Hannah
Rebecca
Alexandra
Lydia
Eliza/Elise/Eloise
Julia
Leah
Victoria
Cecilia
Sadie
Holly
Lou/Lu names: Lucille, Lucia, Louise, Louisa, Lucy
Josephine
I really like the suggestions of Margot and Greta – they’re clearly derived from Margaret but sound great with your other daughters’ names. I’ve also recently developed a soft spot for Marjorie–it shares sounds with Margaret but has a softer, sweeter vibe (it reminds me of Rosalie).
How about Marguerite (which is my favorite from the Margaret family)?
You got to name two without any objection from your husband, no reason he shouldn’t have the same opportunity. If his style is honor names and yours isn’t, that’s just how it is. I think a Margaret nickname in lieu of Margaret is a fair compromise if, and only if, he readily agrees to it without any poking or prodding. You could also ask he pick an honor name from your side of the family, same conditions.