Starting Again When You Chose a Family Name

Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.

FINDING YOUR STYLE

Kayla writes:

We named our son Joseph Edward IV. We call him Jed. I resisted at first, but his grandparents, including Joe 2 are a big part of our lives, and I’m so glad we did. (Hearing Joe 2 talk about how much his dad would love knowing there’s a Joseph IV completely wins me over and reassures me that it was the right choice. Less good is that my in-laws call our son Little Joey, to distinguish him from my husband, who is still Joey to them.)

Now our second son is due soon and we will not be using any more family names. My dad is great, but his name is Keith and … no. He and mom both have K names, just like me and my two siblings. So we will also not be using a K name. I think there might be some hard feelings about that, but I don’t think it’s enough to change my mind.

My husband is willing to let me choose, since he recognizes that I didn’t choose at all for Jed. (Except the nickname.)

Our last name is very common. Starts with a Sim-, ends with a -son, we share it with the most famous animated family ever.

Here’s what I have so far:

• Michael – my mom’s dad was Michael. I like the name, but not really Mikey/Mike. I know I said no family names, but I feel like if we have use one, then this is it. It’s my brother’s middle name, but I don’t think he would mind.
• Milo – I love this name! My husband thinks it’s a little too much.
• Carter – My husband’s favorite if we hadn’t used a family name for Jed. I’ve warmed up to it a lot.
• Caleb – My all-time favorite name before we got married. Not sure how I feel about it now.
• Dutton – Love Yellowstone, don’t know if we’re the kind of people who can pull this off.
• Boden – New name on my list, and I’m really liking it, but worry I won’t like it in five years, if that makes sense.

My favorite girl names are Ella and Margot, but I don’t know if we’ll ever get to use them, or if we’d choose them when it came down to it, so I (probably) don’t feel strongly about avoiding names that could mean we can’t use Ella or Margot in the future.

I think some sort of general ideas about our list would be really helpful, and I would love some new suggestions, too. Thank you in advance!

Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.

STARTING FRESH WITH YOUR SECOND BABY’S NAME

Abby replies:

Congratulations on your second son!

It absolutely can feel like starting again when you choose a family name for your first child. Instead of thinking through your preferences, you’ve honored tradition. Which is – obviously – richly meaningful and the right choice.

Looking at your list, here’s what jumps out at me: Michael could easily be this baby’s middle name. Here’s why:

• You like the first name, but aren’t wild about the nicknames. And while you can absolutely avoid nicknames when your son is small, there’s no guarantee he won’t come home from third grade announcing he’s now Mike.
• It is a family name, across two generations. It’s not your dad’s name, but it’s not a complete departure. And it honors your side of the family, which feels fair. (To the extent that such a thing is possible.)
• It works with most of your favorites as firsts. I generally don’t suggest working from a middle name, but I do think it can make sense in certain situations – like this one!

Let’s look at the rest of your shortlist.

CURRENT FAVORITES

I’ll ranking these from my least favorite picks for you to my top recommendations.

DUTTON

Part of me thinks Dutton could fit right in with favorites like Dylan and Weston in a few years’ time. But right now? It does feel very Yellowstone. That’s not a bad thing, but it is a thing. If you’re already sensitive to that, I feel like it’s best to move on.

MILO

I love Milo for you! Jed and Milo are really sweet together. But I rank it just a little lower because Milo Michael isn’t ideal … and I do think Michael might feel like the best possible middle name choice for lots of reasons.

BODEN, CALEB, CARTER

I was about to make Boden my top recommendation. But I found myself saying Boden with your two-syllable, ends-in-n last name, and the rhythm is a little choppy.

Caleb, on the other hand, is great with your surname. And while it’s a different style than Joseph/Joey/Jed, I think they work together nicely.

I think Carter is the best fit, at least in terms of sound and style. But I hesitate because, well, if it was your husband’s favorite non-family name, will it feel like he’s chosen again? And will that seem like your voice isn’t represented? My sense is that you are enthusiastic about Carter, and Carter Michael is great. But I’d hesitate if your feelings are less certain.

FRESH SUGGESTIONS

ARCHER

Carter’s -R ending is great with your surname. I wonder if another -R ender would be a better fit? Archer also shortens to Archie, which is sweet.

BEAU

I think Boden is a great name, but maybe not ideal with your surname. Would you consider Beau instead? It ranks in the US Top 100, so while it’s different from the names that were big in the 1990s and early 2000s, it’s very current for this generation without feeling trendy.

BODIE/BODHI

If not Boden or Beau, would Bodie/Bodhi appeal? Bodhi reads a little spiritual. The phonetic Bodie spelling sidesteps some of that.

KNOX

I know K names are a thing … but would a K name that doesn’t seem like a K name work? I like Knox with your surname, and with the middle name Michael, and with big brother Jed quite a bit!

MILES

As with Milo, Miles isn’t ideal with the middle name Michael. But it might be a good compromise for you and your husband, so I’ll suggest it anyway.

PARKER

Another possible -R ender that isn’t Carter, but might work well.

TATE

Bright, energetic, and friendly, Tate is a surname like lots of your favorites, but sounds something like Caleb, too.

WYATT

Wyatt has some of the Western energy of Dutton, but it’s far more mainstream – and so I wonder if it gives you that hit of style without feeling too swaggeringly Montana.

From your list, I’m still stuck on Carter Michael. Of the new ideas, my favorites are Wyatt and Beau. I’d put Beau higher on list, except should your firstborn ever decide to go by Joe, well … that’s a challenge. I can’t decide if it’s a dealbreaker or not, so I’ll make Wyatt my top pick instead.

Readers, over to you! What would you name a brother for Joseph Edward “Jed” IV?