Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M SAYING MY DAUGHTER’S NAME WRONG?
Zoe writes:
Help! I’m suffering from either name regret or maybe I need to be told I made a mistake. Or maybe I need to let this go? (My husband is in the let-it-go camp, but I’m not feeling much like Elsa.)
We agonized over what to name our beautiful, three-week old daughter before finally settling on Elin. Yes, I got it from the author Elin Hildebrand. (I’m a voracious reader.) No, I’ve never known anyone named Elin. And yes, we’re pronouncing it like Ellen.
That’s the problem. Several people in our family are insisting on pronouncing it EE-lin. Like Elon, almost, and I cannot stand it. We’ve corrected them, but they (to varying degrees) insist that “everyone” knows it’s pronounced EE-lin and we should either change the spelling or accept that it’s going to be a problem.
Also, and maybe this is irrational, but I don’t like the name Ellen. I don’t like the way it looks. It seems old-fashioned compared to Elin.
So I could use some outside opinions. Is Elin pronounced like Eden (and Elon) and is this my mistake? Will this be a problem forever? Will my daughter hate her name? Should I change something?
Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
NO ONE CAN TELL YOU HOW TO PRONOUNCE A NAME
Abby replies:
Congratulations on your new daughter! I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
The easy part: absolutely no one can tell you how to pronounce your name, or your child’s name.
Within reason, of course. “This is our son Alex, we pronounce it Bruce,” is a non-starter.
But assuming you’re sticking to sounds commonly associated with letters as we use them in English? Yeah, you’re in the clear, even if your preferred pronunciation isn’t obvious to everyone.
Phonetically speaking, my brain reads Elin as Ellen. And Lin as Lynn/Lynne, for that matter.
Here are the competing forces, as I see them:
- Elinor is an another spelling for Eleanor, which reinforces the Ellen pronunciation.
- I first heard Elin said aloud years ago, when golfer Tiger Woods married Swedish-born model Elin Nordegren. She says her name the way your family suggests: EE-lin.
- Author Elin Hildebrand is another well-known bearer of the name. I’d never heard it pronounced, though. After some digging, I found that the author herself confirmed the pronunciation back in 2016: Here’s how you pronounce my first name: ELLEN. If you … call after me, “EE-Lin” I won’t turn around because I won’t realize you’re talking to me. Complaints can go to my mother, Sally.
So all of this makes me think a) probably most of us will default to Elin-pronounced-Ellen, except b) golf fans might be the exception, as they’ll (maybe) have heard of Elin Nordegren.
And, of course, should your daughter someday study abroad in Stockholm? Forget it. She’ll be EE-lin. But plenty of us arrive overseas to find that our names are altered, so she’s not alone in that.
The hard part: yes, some people will pronounce your daughter’s name like they’re the next CEO of Ikea.
In fact, I can imagine someone – like me, even – thrilling to think we’ve cracked the code. We know how to say this unusual name correctly! Won’t the parents be DELIGHTED?
But we’re in the minority. Really.
My question to you is this: do you mind strangers getting it wrong? Plenty of us have to explain our child’s name. “We call him Xander for short.” Or “it’s Lucie, spelled with an IE.” Or “no, we’ve never seen Game of Thrones, we just liked the name Aria.”
I do think you’re in for a certain amount of “Her name is Elin, spelled E-L-I-N.” I’m not sure that’s burdensome, particularly in our age of Madelyn/Madeline, Jackson/Jaxon, Sophia/Sofia.
And … Zoe/Zoey. Has it bothered you when someone has added a Y to your name? Or have you shrugged it off? Your feelings about your own name serve as a good guide.
I’m guessing you’ll feel like all of this is just fine.
That leaves the issue of your family. And families? Are loving and wonderful and challenging and crazy difficult.
My best advice is cases like this is to choose and repeat a set, firm line. You don’t even have to explain. Something like “Most people don’t seem to have a problem with it, and we’re not going to change her name.” Or “Thanks, but we’re sticking with the Ellen pronunciation.” Whatever works for you. The trick is to keep it short, simple, and definite.
I would automatically pronounce it EE-lynn. It’s a Scandinavian name and that’s how it’s pronounced there. I’ve met a lot of Scandinavians and my ancestors came from Sweden. I live in a region of the country where it’s not uncommon for people to have old school Scandinavian names. I also know of Tiger Woods’ ex-wife and read a number of articles explaining the pronunciation of her name. If you run into people like me, it will be pronounced EE—lynn. Otherwise people will hear you say it and spell it Ellen. Your daughter will spend her life correcting the spelling and pronunciation of the name. You have to decide how big a deal that is to you.
You’re 3 weeks postpartum? Is there a practical reason you need to “fix” this right away vs. waiting a bit? Those hormones and adjusting to a new baby are hard! You could just say, “Good point on the spelling, we will consider that in a few months… Since the paperwork is already done for now, we will let it sit for a bit and just enjoy our sweet little girl.”
Personally, I love longer names with nicknames so Elinor nn. Elin hits a sweet spot for me and seems like it would make this spelling a non-issue. But only if you and your husband love it as a solution. Congratulations on your new daughter!
Many congratulations!! I say this only because you’ve asked: I would assume you did not know how the name Elin is supposed to be pronounced. Sort of like a Rhys called Rice? Yes, you can absolutely call her anything! And for some it is the intuitive pronunciation. But I would personally consider Ellen to be the “wrong” one.
That said, I love the name Ellen so much. I know a 13 year old Ellen and even the way she signs her name gives me joy! All those loops.
I read it as Ellen too. I think you are in good company. If you love Elin, keep it. It is a great name, with a modern twist and isn’t weird or outlandish.
Family will (eventually) get in line. Especially when she starts to talk. Think of this as an adjustment phase for them as they realize this is out of their sphere of influence. Some of our extended family have seemed to enjoy showing what “weird names” we have picked by insisting on pronouncing them wrong. It’s a control thing. Let it go. Really not worth the heartache.
Families are wonderful, but they sure can make you crazy.
If it’s any help, I read the name as Elin pronounced Ellen because my child has a classmate with the name, and that’s exactly the way she, her teacher, and her classmates pronounce it. As a volunteer in the classroom, it seems like a pretty straight forward name to me. And there are so many different spellings of kids’ names now that I doubt most younger people will think twice about it.
Yes, you will most likely have to correct some folks along the way, but I’m with Abby. Come up with a succinct response for those people and stick to it.
Elin is a beautiful name. If you love it, I say keep it.
This post brought up lots of feelings for me. On the balance, I’d advise you to think about whether you would like the wear the name Elin pr. Ellen your whole life. If it’s a heck yes, then you will have the fortitude to battle the misspellings/mispronunciations on her behalf, then coach her through the annoyance as she takes it on herself. But here are all my other thoughts… if you’d rather hear another “oh yes, Elin is Ellen, you’re right” maybe ignore the rest.
Elin Hilderbrand herself seems to caution her name with this X post “My name is pronounced regular Ellen. Ellen DeGeneres Ellen. Alternate spelling has made for a lifetime of confusion. Thanks Mom.” So your daughter’s namesake is calling Elin an ‘alternate spelling of Ellen’ and says she’s experienced a lifetime of confusion. That’s what you can probably expect for your Elin.
If you just love the sound of Ellen but not the spelling, I’d advise a spelling change to Ellyn. That makes it more ‘modern’. (And I do understand how some names ‘sound’ different in your head, like I love Cate in a different way than Kate…) Or, put Elinor on her birth certificate and say her name is Elinor, nn Elin. Those two are the only legit options IMHO.
Because Elin is an actual name with a predominant pronunciation of EE-lin. Maybe back when the author was born, people were still Americanizing names “oh EE-lin is too hard, sure, just call her Ellen” but I feel like today, we’re not lazy, we embrace diverse names and diverse cultures. And if you’re going to choose a Swedish/Norwegian/Danish/Welsh name, better do your homework on pronunciation first.
My name is Renee and there is an accent aigu on the middle e (the accent aigu indicates the E turns into an A sound.) This is a French name, pronounced Re-NAY. I have had so very many people over my lifetime tell me my name is actually pronounced Rennie, or that I spell my name wrong. It’s ridiculous the amount of times I’ve had that discussion with adults. Last year, my daughter’s teacher had the exact same name, same spelling as me, and we had a long talk about our mutual experience. Do I wish I had a different name? No. But my name is spelled and pronounced the ‘right’ way and it’s other people with the issue.
Totally agree! I live in an area where a ton of Dutch, Norwegian and Swedish people immigrated in the early 1900s and there are tons of scandi names on kids. It would definitely be flagged here (far northwestern PNW).
I read it like Ellen right away.
Maybe it’s because of Elinor, maybe it’s because of Erin, but to me, the Ellen pronunciation is the obvious choice.
I think it would be easier if you had named her Elinor nn Elin, because that way you could just say “Elin, short for Elinor” to explain the pronunciation.
But it’s not a complicated pronunciation, so even people who say Ee-lin at first will quickly get it right. No reason to regret you decision!
I definitely read it as EE-lin and have only ever known it to be pronounced that way. I was surprised to read that the issue is you want it pronounced as Ellen.
I have a name that is spelled the “right” way yet is always misspelled, mispronounced, or mistaken for various sound alike names. It drove me nuts as a kid and still kinda bugs me a bit as an adult but I’m used to it by this point. Maybe your daughter will be bothered by it too, maybe not. It’s a bit of a gamble so I guess you have to decide if you love the name/pronunciation enough to stick with it or if the constant misspelling/mispronouncing will drive you (and possibly your daughter) insane.
I assumed it was pronounced like Ellen too. Could you tell your family that Ee-Lin is the Norwegian pronunciation but you’d prefer it pronounced in English? That way you’re not telling them they’re wrong, but you’re not wrong either. Hopefully that will get through to them.
Call me an uncultured savage but I read it as Ellen.
It looked similar to Erin … So I copied that to be Elin.
As for parents, they had their turn. Now, thanks to Abby you can confidently say she’s named after the author who said it’s Ellen for her.
Repeat it to them …Elin…. Rhymes with ERIN! They’ll live with it.
As for others, as a person who loves names I still said Ellen. I think most people will say Ellen.
I think you are more likely to get grief with spelling over the years. But the people close will know how to spell it and the others will likely write Ellen, but it won’t matter as it sounds the same. So long as you’re happy with spelling it out then stick with Elin.
I agree. Just breezily say, “Oh, we named her after the author, Elin Hildebrand. She pronounces her name ‘Ellen’.”
Done!