Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.
A FAMILY NAME FOR THEIR THIRD CHILD
Meg writes:
I’m named after my mom, Margaret, who went by Maggie. She’s named after her aunt, Margaret, who was called Margie or Marge. When I was younger, I went by Megan, but I’ve been Meg since college.
When our first daughter was born, my husband really didn’t like the idea of family names and we agreed on Stella Katherine because we both loved it.
Then we had our son. His name is Nolan Thomas. Again, Nolan we both agreed on. Thomas is for his dad. When he asked to use his dad’s name for Nolan’s middle, I was uncertain. But it felt like the right decision.
We’ve just found out our third child is going to be a girl. This is almost certainly our last baby, and I’m surprised by how much I want to use my family name.
My husband has agreed to Daisy, since it is a nickname for Margaret, and I really love the idea of calling her Daisy. But I’d like to name her Margaret, and call her Daisy. My husband thinks that will be weird and complicated, and suggested naming her Daisy Margaret instead.
I guess I’d like some opinions:
- Would it be weird/hard to be Margaret called Daisy?
- Is Daisy Margaret like naming somebody Anna Anne?
Please read on for my response and leave your helpful suggestions in the comments.
DECIDING WHAT SATISFIES AS A FAMILY NAME
Abby replies:
Congratulations on your new daughter!
I’m so glad you’re getting a chance to use your family name.
We tend to assume that older children get the honor names – and that’s often true. But I know plenty of couples who are drawn to family names over time.
The good news: you agree! Your daughter will be called Daisy. It’s a great name, a wonderful honor name for you and all the Margarets, and a perfect sister name for Stella and Nolan.
In other words? You’re not going to make a wrong decision.
Let’s weigh your main options and answer the questions that go along with them both.
WOULD IT BE WEIRD TO BE MARGARET CALLED DAISY?
In theory, no. We all know at least a few people who answer to an unconventional nickname.
Will some people think it’s weird? Sure. But I’m guessing it will mostly be a non-issue.
And people who love names definitely know about the Daisy/Margaret connection.
OKAY, HOW ABOUT DAISY MARGARET?
Speaking of people who know names, we’re the ones who raise an eyebrow at sisters named Elizabeth and Isabelle.
There aren’t really that many of us.
And I suspect that even those of us who get the whole Daisy/Margaret connection wouldn’t find this a problematic combination.
If anything, I kind of like it because you potentially get the best of both worlds: preferred nickname and the family name used intact.
SO … MARGARET OR DAISY?
I think there are a few considerations here:
- Your daughter’s name should be compatible with siblings Stella Katherine and Nolan Thomas. I think Daisy works slightly better than Margaret-called-Daisy, but only slightly.
- Even if you name her Daisy, this is the most direct honor name you’ve used. The only other family name in the mix is Nolan’s middle.
- Because your family has intentionally picked different Margaret nicknames for each generation, I don’t feel like naming her Daisy instead of Margaret diminishes the tradition, if that makes sense.
I think I’m favoring Daisy Margaret.
But – and this is a serious caveat – how would you feel about not getting to choose another middle name?
This is likely to be your last child. If there are other names you’ve always considered and longed to use, I wonder if having both your daughter’s first and middle names pre-chosen like this might feel like a letdown.
Also, I’m interpreting your family tradition as “a name derived from Margaret.” I might also read it as “handing down the name Margaret and then giving each generation a distinctive nickname.”
If it’s the name Margaret that’s most meaningful? (And based on your letter, maybe it is.) I think that puts a little more weight on the Margaret-called-Daisy scale.
From what I know now, I’d rank your choices in this order:
3. Daisy MiddleName
There’s not enough Margaret in this version.
2. Margaret “Daisy” MiddleName
I like this a lot, but it’s only a better choice if Margaret is the specific name you want to hand down.
1. Daisy Margaret
Is there a little repetition here? Maybe. But I love the way you get the best of both worlds, and I appreciate that it seldom happens. (We would never suggest someone name a child Josie Josephine or Lily Lillian, right?)
But let’s open this up to the readers, because I feel like it would benefit from more perspectives.
I think both Daisy and Margaret round out the sibling set very nicely, but I would give a definite edge to Margaret nn Daisy. Saying “I’m surprised how much I want to use my family name” seems that you really value that direct connection (and to me, this type of feeling sort of strengthens over time. I think the likelihood of you wishing you used Margaret is much higher than wishing you used Daisy, if that makes sense.)
That said, in case you you want one other thought to mull over, my third kiddo is a girl named Marlow, as an honor name for Margaret. Not at all a “usual” nickname but felt like a perfect choice for us. Marlow could be a great little sister for Stella and Nolan!
Use Margaret and call her Daisy. It is one of several acknowledged nicknames forcMargaret going back hundreds of years. People will figure it out. I don’t think using Daisy as a full name would have the same significance. The real name should be Margaret.
Margaret is also one of my family names and everyone had a different nickname. No one was particularly confused.
I’ll add that the middle name should probably be different from yours. I speak from personal experience when I say that paperwork is annoying and confusing when you have a name that is identical to a family member or even when you have the same middle initial.
Maybe you can let your husband pick the middle name if he lets you use Margaret.
I vastly prefer Daisy to Maisie as a nickname.
I’m thinking about a child’s potential perspectives on those three options, and explaining that my parents knew what they were doing when they named me Daisy Margaret seems like it could be more frustrating than explaining Margaret-but-call-me-Daisy, even if the latter happened more often than the former. That is just me, though!
I’d personally scratch Daisy Margaret off the list and then spend some time thinking about whether passing down the full name Margaret is the important part of the tradition or whether it’s that each family member uses a different derivative.
Interesting to see a different perspective … I was thinking “my parents knew what they were doing …” was a simple and Positive explanation for anyone who asked. That it was carefully thought through and meaningful would negate any frustration.
I am reading a lot about your husband’s thoughts about family names in your letter, and interesting / convenient that he changed his mind when he wanted to use his dad’s name 😉
I would take some space to think about your own feelings about your family name. What feels right to you? Only you can answer this and given he has had his chance to use a family name, I think he can respect your decision. And actually, I think you’ve already expressed your wish and hopefully he can just come around to Margaret called Daisy. You felt uncertain about Thomas but you respected his desire to use a family name. Perhaps he can just do the same for you?
Some relevant thoughts if you’re still mulling (but I honestly don’t think you need to mull – stick with your gut.) We used two family name tweaks up front for our kids. There was no pressure to hand down names at all, nor any tradition. But I love the tweak, the way each name is quite clearly linked to generation/s before, yet is entirely their own.
One of my kids also has a nickname name, and I struggled for a few months when she was a baby about whether we should have used a formal name, but we did some anecdotal research and I felt validated that naming them what you’ll call them would work out through adulthood. I realize that’s not even a question you’re asking, but the method might be useful if you want to consider whether to name her Margaret but call her Daisy 24/7.
If you’re feeling generous, and you don’t need to, you could give your husband some decision making over the middle? Like another family name from his side or a name he just loves?
I know I’m saying this a lot but no one else has – this is your family naming tradition, and you know it best, so bestow it in the way that feels right to you.
I like Margaret-called-Daisy but it’s definitely worth thinking about how much effort you want to put into making sure people know she’s Daisy. Introducing her as Daisy is easy, but it probably means making sure teachers and doctors and all the other people who check the paperwork know that she’s Daisy, not Margaret.
If you’re open to it, Margaret-called-Maisie is adorable and probably a little easier for some people to wrap their heads around. But I definitely recommend giving her a non-family middle name, so that her siblings don’t feel left out. It might be a little tricky if your little sister had TWO family names with a lot of significance, your brother had one, and your parents just liked yours. Not a super big deal but a non-family middle could help balance the scales a little!
Final Suggestions:
-Margaret “Daisy” Kate (Ties into Stella’s middle and makes a really cute connection for sisters!)
-Margaret “Daisy” Tessa
-Margaret “Daisy” Eliza
-Margaret “Maisie” Vivian
-Margaret “Maisie” Louise (Maisie Lou would be absolutely adorable!)
-Daisy Margot (A Margaret variant might make it feel a little repetitive)
-Daisy Greta
-Daisy Pearl
I know this isn’t really what you’re asking BUT… I wonder if Margaret called Maisie instead of Daisy feels more intuitive and less confusing for your husband? I love the idea of each generation being Margaret but with their own distinct nickname so much vote goes to Margaret “Daisy” (or whatever nickname you choose) Middlename Lastname.
I vote for Margaret “Daisy”- I think Margaret (especially with the nickname Daisy) goes better with Stella and Nolan since Stella and Margaret are both vintage-y and Daisy matches the nature theme of Stella as well! And Margaret “Daisy” was pretty common a couple centuries ago- in Little Women, Meg’s oldest daughter had this nickname (which I feel like would be a really sweet connection with your family and Little Women since your name is Meg and your daughter would be Margaret “Daisy”!
Back in the 1800s it was REALLY common to call your child Margaret nn Daisy. Just read Little Women
First, your children have lovely names. I have all of these on my personal short-list. Normally I would push for Margaret called Daisy BUT I REALLY like Daisy with Stella and Nolan. And Daisy also perfectly honors the family name Margaret.
I also think that Daisy is far enough removed from Margaret that it’s okay to use for a middle. They both have completely separate etymology and meaning in true form. Plus, think about how many Daisy Mae’s there are out there and that doesn’t seem much different. But, you could also use another family middle name to drive home the connection to the strong Margaret’s in your family. Your Mom’s middle or yours for example. Or your maiden name.
PS My daughters have the middle names Catherine and Margaret 🙂 and my son, a family middle/my maiden name.
Congratulations!
I know someone whose given name is Marguerite and she goes by “Daisy.” I think it is nice to sometimes see her full name and remember where the “Daisy” originated from.
I like the name Margaret a lot-it is my middle name, my mother’s name, and was my paternal grandmother’s name, so I think you could go with the full name and call her “Daisy” and then pick a middle name too.
Best wishes!!