Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, we discuss reader’s name questions, usually on Tuesdays and Fridays. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.
IS THIS FAMILY BIG ENOUGH FOR ANOTHER SARAH?
Marlie writes:
We are expecting our first baby in November, a daughter.
Right now, the name we want to use is Sarah. Sarah was my grammy and a big part of my life growing up. She was even our flower girl at our wedding, and passed not long after we got married.
The problem is my husband’s aunt. She’s crazy, not in a fun way. Like restraining order crazy. Like we gave the staff at the wedding reception her picture in case she tried to crash our party crazy.
Her name? Of course it’s also Sarah. She mostly goes by Sal.
Despite this, I think we want to use the name. My grammy’s full name was Sarah Ann VeryLongLastName, and Ann doesn’t seem like enough to honor her memory.
Before we thought about using Sarah, I was trying to talk my husband into Priscilla, which he was lukewarm about, so I’m not sure we even have a back-up name.
Our last name is like Mac plus Guinness, but spelled differently.
Will we regret using the same name as this aunt?
Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.
WHEN IT COMES TO A NAMESAKE … IT DEPENDS!
Abby replies:
Congratulations on your new daughter!
I have SO many thoughts.
It sounds like you’re not in contact in any meaningful way, but she’s also not entirely removed from your life.
Based on that assumption, I think we should consider the worst case scenario.
What could go wrong if you name your daughter Sarah?
- At a minimum, there could certainly be some moments of frustration. Will others in your extended family assume you’re honoring the aunt? Or might your aunt reach out on the assumption that your daughter’s name honors her?
- How might your in-laws react? Your family will be thrilled with the decision, I imagine. But might your in-laws struggle with your choice? And if the answer is yes, does the struggle look like initial discomfort that will fade when they meet their granddaughter … or is it likely to be more of a long-term uneasiness? It’s difficult to predict, I know.
Are there other factors to consider?
- Will they have the same first and last name? It seems like they might both be Sarah Mac-plus-Guinness. It’s not an uncommon name, but can you imagine that duplication causing problems in the future? In general, I think the name Sarah has been such a classic for so long that it helps make your case that it’s not about this aunt … but matching a first and last night might present more of a challenge.
- How close are they in age? My impression is that your husband’s aunt Sarah is in her 40s, if not a bit older. Does that impact your decision at all? I’d feel better if great aunt Sarah were 60-something, and worse if she’s more like 30ish. While it still seems unlikely that they’d ever be confused in real life, if they do have the same first and last name, it’s less likely to be an issue the wider the gap in their ages.
USE THE NAME YOU LOVE
The namesake issue is real, but so is the important of honoring your beloved grandmother.
I think there are a few ways to proceed, some of which might work together.
- Lean into your reasons – hard. Every written birth announcement emphasizes the connection between your daughter’s name and your late grandmother. It can be as simple as “Sarah Middle Last arrived on November 15, 2026. She’s named for my beloved grammy, the late Sarah Last.”
- Choose a distinctive middle name to help ensure your daughter stands out from her aunt. Maybe another family name or a strong word name. Or even Sarah Priscilla. I think it’s an unusual combination that feels lasting and unexpected.
- Mix up Sarah Ann in a new way. Could you call her Anna Sarah or even Annasara?
You might also take one last crack at finding a creative honor name for your grandmother. This list is a good jumping off point: favorite colors, flowers, her place of birth and so on.
I do think this might be one of those rare times that you preview a name.
If there’s a chance your in-laws will be hurt by the decision, then it’s worth talking over in advance. The risk, of course, is that they might ask you to choose another name.
With all that said? It sounds like Sarah really is the name to beat – and right now nothing comes close.
As long as you feel comfortable navigating any short-term discomfort or surprise, and feel confident that any such emotion will be fleeting? Then yes, I would use the name.
Readers, over to you! Do you have any experience with a similar situation and how would you handle this namesake issue?
Weighing in as a Sarah who has had experience with terrible in-laws, I’m curious if you’ve considered Seraphina. She could go by Sera, which would give her the sound of your Grammy’s name while resolving the legal issues of sharing a first and last name with a problematic aunt. You could even go with something like Seraphina Antoinette or Seraphina Anne to make the connection even stronger. I’ve always thought that Seraphina would be a great alternative honor name for Sarah if the namer didn’t want to use Sarah due to popularity or any other reason.
Ooh that is a really good idea – thank you!
Meh, I’d still name her Sarah! It sounds like Aunt Sal will know beyond a doubt that the child is NOT named after her. If she was banned from your wedding, she will not think you’ve suddenly named your baby after her. Besides, she is Sal. I would’ve give her the power of keeping you from a name you love most for your baby. Name that baby after Grandma!
Sarahanne or Sarah called Sadie or Sanna or something other variant, like Sarah Elizabeth called Sarah Beth.
Depending on your grandmother’s last name, maybe use her last initial+Sarah, like Sarah Cross becomes Carah for your daughter.
Otherwise, maybe look for a name with a similar meaning to Sarah, like Amira or Orla or Reina.
I think it really is a matter of how your in-laws would react. But if Sarah as a first name is completely off the table, would something like Anna Sarah as a first and middle work? Or Annabel Sarah, or Annalise Sarah, Annika Sarah, or Ann Sarah? I think reversing your grandmothers full name is still an obvious honor name to her, and keeping Sarah in the middle spot avoids some drama.
I would not name her Sarah. As someone with certifiably crazy relatives, the last thing I would want to do is attract their attention or make them feel encouraged back into my life.
What flowers did your grammy carry at your wedding? What color were the flowers? What was your grammy’s maiden name? What was her home town? Did she have a special nickname for YOU? There are so many ways to make a special connection. And since your amazing grammy has passed, your daughter will be the one who will feel the weight of the honor most.
For sure, Crazy Sarah will be someone mentioned in your daughter’s life, and it won’t make her feel happy about sharing her name with someone so distasteful.
Congratulations and best wishes! Your thoughtfulness will be a gift to your sweet girl!
Oh wow. I never thought about the complications if they share a surname and the aunt has legal issues. Good points!
I do think you can totally name your daughter Sarah in this family. It sounds like your close circle will totally understand it’s for your beloved grandma. And mayyybe it breathes some new positive fresh life into the name for your husband’s family?
I was coming to suggest the nickname Sadie, which I see most everyone else has thought of too! I love it also because it matches the -ie in your name.
Another idea I have may be a stretch, but how about Samara? It has Sara in it, but also your first few letters, and it leads to Sam / Sammy / Sara as a nickname.
Last idea – does grandma have a surname that might work as a first name? I kinda assume if it were that easy, you’d have mentioned it.
Good luck! You’re being so thoughtful about this. Beloved grandma trumps exiled aunt in my books.
I’d normally say name your baby whatever you want. In this rare case I’d say get Aunt Sarah’s sibling’s approval. It sounds like they’ve done a lot of bad things, probably some you don’t even know about. If they say abused their sibling, and now sibling has to hear that name on their grandchild, it could be very painful and triggering.
Congrats on your little girl! I think since Aunt Sarah goes by Sal, that helps with the distinction but I get your hesitation. If you didn’t use Sarah in some way, would you regret it? Another poster made a good point about possible confusion/legal issues if Aunt Sarah has the same last name but maybe the large age gap would help with that.
If you aren’t 100% sure using Sarah as a first name then I would definitely at least use it in the middle spot. Or name her Sarah and call her Sadie. Or would using the spelling Sara help? Or a name that rhymes such as Clara or Vera? Is there another way to honor grandma Sarah such as using the name of her birth flower or birth stone or something else that makes you think of her?
All this to say, I think you should use Sarah in some way, whether it be the first or middle name slot.
This is a difficult scenario! Sarah is a beautiful, classic name. If I were in your shoes, I would either use Sarah-Ann as a double first name or Sadie, a traditional nickname for Sarah. It would depend on the answers to the questions Abby asked.
I really like Sarah Priscilla as an option too.
If the aunt’s name is too big a problem, could you use an Ann name up front with Sarah in the middle? For example:
Annika Sarah
Anya Sarah
Anastasia Sarah
Annikki Sarah
Annabelle Sarah
Anneliese Sarah
Annette Sarah
Anouk Sarah
Congratulations on your baby girl!
If aunt has the same last name and a criminal record or credit problems, it could present a legal headache, even with different ages.
I would possibly give her a double name: Sarah Ann (Grandma’s maiden name) Your last name. Or Sarah Kate, Sarah Jane, Sarah Rose, etc. Sarah Your Mother’s Name, Sarah Your Middle Name, or Sarah Priscilla. Call her by the full name or use a different nickname like Sadie. Send pictures of Grandma as flower girl at your wedding or Grandma as a little girl along with pictures of the new baby to cement the association in their minds. “Sarah is named in honor of my dearest Grandmother, Sarah Ann, who blessed our marriage.” if anyone asks about aunt, you smile and say, “We do know a lot of Sarahs, but she’s named after my Grandmother.” If aunt claims she’s named after her, repeat the above and smile politely.