First Baby: Finding Girl Names They Can Agree On

Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, we discuss reader’s name questions, usually on Tuesdays and Fridays. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight! To have your question considered, email appmtn (at) gmail. Looking for your own private #namehelp post? Order one here.

AGREEING ON GIRL NAMES

Kaitlyn writes:

A few years ago, you helped my sister-in-law name her daughter, Maisie. I’m hoping you can help my husband and I with our dilemma.

We both thought we were very easygoing about names, and before we found out we were expecting, agreed on a boy’s name: Ezra Joseph.

Our last name is sometimes a first name: AL-N, which ruled out some names that we liked, but didn’t feel like a huge problem.

We had a few name ideas for a daughter, but agreeing on girl names has been really hard. Here’s our list:

• Eloise – Is it okay with an Al- last name?
• Madeline – can’t agree how to spell it and don’t really like Maddie as a nickname and I can’t see that really working
• Josephine – except then we’d never use Ezra Joseph if we had a boy later, and that kind of breaks my heart
• Penelope – is it too trendy?
• Avery – a name I’ve liked for a long time, but maybe it’s too trendy
• Hannah – my husband’s favorite, but I don’t like the way it sounds with our last name
• Annabelle – I suggested this instead of Hannah, but I think it might actually be worse
• Eliza – my new favorite, but I feel like everyone will ask why not Elizabeth, and I can’t imagine having Eliza and Ezra – too similar, right?
• Briar – dark horse/new idea, but I don’t know if I really like it
• Mary, Marie – family name on both sides and my middle name is Marie, but I feel like it’s boring

Not sure if the right name is on the list and we just can’t see it, or if we need some new ideas? Please help!

Read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.

NARROWING A LIST

Abby replies:

Congratulations on your first child!

I think you’ve described the problem exactly: when you don’t have strong feelings about what a name must be or do, sometimes finding the right choice ends up being even harder. After all, there’s no clear criteria to rule names out or to rank one name above another, right?

That said, going through this process has given you some pretty clear ideas.

• You’d like to save the name Ezra for a future son. While that doesn’t lock you into using the name, preserving the possibility means avoiding names that conflict with Ezra.
• The most classic names don’t appeal. Mary and Marie are on your list, but they don’t rise to the top. Since Ezra is also a name with plenty of history, but not in the William/John/James camp, I’m guessing you want something similar for a daughter.
• On the other hand, anything too trendy feels like a mistake, too. You’re looking for that sweet spot – a name that’s current for your child’s generation, but not time-stamped, either.

That’s a little vague, but we can work with it.

Let’s look at your current list.

NAMES TO DROP

Mary and Marie feel like they’re only on your list because you feel like you should add them.

Eliza is a perfect choice, but it’s very similar to Ezra. If preserving Ezra for a future son matters, then I’d avoid Eliza now.

Likewise, Josephine feels a little off. It’s such a great name! But if Ezra Joseph is a lock for a future son, then I’d probably avoid Josephine now.

I agree with you than Hannah isn’t great with your surname, and I also think Annabelle AL-N is an issue.

As for Madeline? If you’re not wild about Maddie and spelling is an issue, then I’d move on.

EVALUATING THE TOP CHOICES

That leaves four names: Avery, Briar, Eloise, and Penelope.

For the moment, let’s take them in alphabetical order.

AVERY

Avery has ranked in the girls’ Top 50 since 2007. It’s an absolute go-to name for our moment. While it is also used for boys, it’s consistently more common for girls, and shares sounds with favorites like Ava and Everly, too. Ezra and Avery aren’t really the same style, but their sounds are very compatible. And I love the rhythm of Avery AL-N.

BRIAR

I think Briar is great. It’s current and interesting. Briar Rose is another name for Princess Aurora in the Sleeping Beauty story which makes it feminine. But Briar sounds so much like Brian and Bryce that Briar is potentially unisex. If that’s an issue for you, then Briar might not be the right choice, but I think it’s definitely worth keeping on your list.

ELOISE

I don’t think Eloise AL-N is too much. A little bit of repetition makes a name memorable. Also, Eloise currently ranks in the US Top 100 for girls. That means most people will hear it correctly and not want to turn her name into, say, Allison. (Though some of that happens to almost everybody, some of the time.)

PENELOPE

There are trendy names and then there are trending names. Trendy names are new, almost unheard until recent years, and they’re risen in use quickly. A name like Wrenlee is trendy. In some cases, trendy names do stick around – but just as often they fall in use quickly. Trending names are choices with plenty of history that just happen to be more popular now than in prior decades. Penelope might be trending – but so are Eloise and Ezra and lots of great names. I really like Penelope with your surname, and it leaves the door open for Ezra in the future. One question: would you shorten it, and if so, do you have similar hesitations as Maddie/Madeline?

Overall, I think any of these four names could be great. I’d rank them as follows:

• In the fourth spot, I’d put Eloise. It’s a great name, but a little repetitive with Ezra and maybe not ideal with your surname.
• Third, Briar. It feels like it’s a new idea for you and not quite a true favorite.
• Second, Penelope. If your only concern is trendiness, I think Penelope passes the test. I’ve put it in second place only because I’m wondering if your reaction to the nickname Penny is similar to your concerns about Madeline-called-Maddie. (Would it happen? Maybe not. But worth consideration.)
• At the top of the list, Avery. It’s great with your last name and with a future brother named Ezra. Is it popular? Yes. But not in a fleeting or insubstantial way. Just in a familiar way, and there are benefits to having an easily spelled, pronounced, and recognized name.

FRESH SUGGESTIONS

CHLOE

If Penelope does raise nickname concerns, would a name like Chloe be a better choice? I love it with your surname and with a future brother Ezra.

ELODIE

It sounds like agreeing on girl names might be easier if you weren’t interested in saving Ezra for a son. After all, Eliza is a great choice. But I wonder if something like Elodie – Eloise meets Avery – might be a good compromise? Elodie and Ezra are great together. Plus, Elodie is a long-overlooked name rising in use, but it’s far from the top of the popularity charts.

EMERY

Another take on Avery if you’re looking for something just slightly different.

MARGOT

You’re drawn to names like Madeline, Josephine, and Annabelle, all with a more traditional vibe. But your list also includes fresher, more modern sounds, like Avery and Briar. I wonder if you’d like Margot? The sound is modern, but it’s a classic name, slightly French like Josephine and Madeline, but also compact and with that upbeat O ending.

NATALIE

Like Avery, Natalie is a Top 100 favorite in the US with a three-syllable, ends-with-EE sound. But style-wise, it’s a little closer to classic Madeline.

THEA

Choosing substitutes for Hannah that don’t conflict with the sounds of AL-N is a bit of a challenge, but I think Thea nails it.

SO WHAT GOES WITH EZRA JOSEPH?

Agreeing on girl names can be tough, but I feel like you’ve got some really good choices. From your original list, I think Avery is the frontrunner. Maybe Avery Madeline? (After all, nicknames aren’t typically an issue with middles.) From my suggestions, I think it’s worth looking at Margot. I love the sound of Margot Eloise AL-N, and I’d also vote for Chloe Madeline, as a good compromise between Penelope and the shorter, more complete names you like.

Readers, over to you! What’s your best advice for agreeing on girl names, and what would you name a daughter knowing they’re saving Ezra for a future son?