Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. Every week, one reader’s name questions will be discussed.
We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight!
Angela writes:
The process of naming my second daughter has become quite an emotional and stressful one, and I’m desperate for some advice.
My first daughter’s name is Clara Rose and I am absolutely in love with it. The name Clara was one we loved, and Rose is to honor my husband’s great-grandmother.
We named our second daughter Madelynn. I always wanted a daughter named Madelynn, but for some reason when we had our first baby, it just didn’t seem right. I guess it’s because the name was destined for the newest member of our family!
The problem is, we can’t commit to a middle name for her.
I always thought I would have a daughter named Madelynn Mae. Mae is my grandmother‘s name and her grandmother before that.
The problem is, Mae is also my middle name. And therein lies the issue.
I feel immense turmoil over giving this name to my second daughter, as my first daughter will not be named after me too. Something inside me is so worried that one day she’ll wonder why her sister was named after her mommy, but not her.
So, while Mae brings me great joy and I love the sound of it with Madelynn, my heart breaks a little every time I think about actually following through naming Madelynn this, for fear of hurting Clara.
Instead of Mae, we’ve considered Grace, Joy, Brielle, Charlotte, Nicolette, and Elise.
I really like classic feminine names. I am also conscious of the fact that Madelynn is a longer name and thus need to be careful of something that would create too large a mouthful – especially comparatively to Clara Rose. Our name is two syllables and is like Herman.
I’d love your help – your thoughts on my concerns, the alternatives we’ve come up with so far, and other suggestions you may have!
Abby replies:
Family names can be wonderful! They connect our children to earlier generations, including relatives they may never meet. And they provide built-in meaning for a name, a lifetime worth of stories to share with your child.
But they can also bring tensions. You might love every name equally. And it can be tough to feel like the names are truly fair, if one son is named after a beloved grandfather, and another is named after an uncle he’ll never meet.
So I completely feel how painful this is for you.
And yet … everything in me is screaming that Madelynn Mae is The Name for this daughter.
Stay with me for a minute:
I’m not convinced you’re naming your daughter after you. Not really. You’re named after your grandmother and her grandmother. This child would be part of that chain. That’s a really cool thing, but it’s not nearly the same as being a junior.
It’s remarkably fair that both Clara and Madelynn have middle names from opposite sides of the family. Clara’s middle name comes from her paternal great-grandmother; it seems fitting that Madelynn’s middle would come from a maternal great-grandmother. I’m guessing Rose doesn’t have the same emotional pull as Mae; but that’s a function of your personal memories, not the name’s status as a valued family heirloom.
If anything, dropping Mae takes something away from Madelynn. Unless, of course, there’s a name other than Mae from your family tree. Because Madelynn June is a lovely name, but then one sister has a family middle … and the other does not.
Rose and Mae are so beautifully balanced! Even without a family tie, they’re very comparable middle names. It’s not as if one daughter is Ava Grace and the other Elena Seraphina. They’re both gorgeous names, but you can see how someone might notice a mismatch.
And lastly, you truly cannot know how children will feel about their names across their lifetimes. It will almost certainly change as they grow. That’s true for your relationships with each daughter, and their relationship as sisters.
All you can do is choose a name you love – and you do clearly love the idea of Madelynn Mae – and build in a little balance.
Okay, let’s say I haven’t convinced you. What other middle names should you consider?
My instinct is to narrow the list to one-syllable names. (Not that there’s any shortage of those!) But if we focus on the more traditional choices, it’s a reasonably short list.
I suggest this for two reasons: first, it seems to suit your overall style. And second, as you say, Madelynn is already longer than Clara. So maybe it would be awkward to have Clara Rose and Madelynn Nicolette.
Between Grace and Joy, I’d favor Madelynn Joy. It’s an upbeat, affirming name to mark the end of your name search. And it’s a name that feels bright and optimistic at a challenging time.
On that note, I wonder if you’d consider Madelynn Hope? It’s another significant middle name, with ties to this moment in history.
MORE MIDDLE NAMES FOR MADELYNN:
Bree – I think Brielle is long, and just Elle might be too much L sound with -lynn. But Bree could be brisk, unexpected and perfect. Bea is another option in the same category, but maybe a little more traditional.
Faye – It’s not quite Mae, but not so wildly different.
Rae – Same thought as Faye, though if Faye feels a little fanciful, Rae has a more modern sensibility.
Kate – A classic!
Sage – Another girls’ name from the garden, like Rose, but with an added meaning: wisdom.
Skye – A nature name with an optimistic vibe.
True – a virtue name that feels quite name-like.
Wren – A bird name, so it’s not quite like Rose, but it’s nature-themed.
Overall, my favorite remains Mae. But if that’s just impossible, then I think I’d opt for Madelynn Joy. It’s happy and spirited, and the initials MJ are great, too.
It’s the stories that matter. Your firstborn’s name has one; your second child’s name should too. It’s as simple as that. Personally, I like Madelynn Mae better than Clara Mae, and Clara Rose is perfect. You’ve got two beautiful names, you’ve done well.
I vote keep Mae! Although I may be slightly biased because that’s my middle name (as well as my grandma’s and my great-grandma’s) 🙂
Use Mae! My mom always felt bothered that she wasn’t named after anyone so she used her sister’s middle name for my older sister’s middle name and passed her own middle name to me later. Neither of us felt named after them, nor did we feel like my middle name gave me any kind of a special connection with my mom. The family connections were just sweet explanations to give if someone asked about our middle names.
Mae absolutely! Not only does it give both girls family names, but you love it! I also think it’s kinda cool that your second daughter gets the names you’ve loved so long—sometimes younger sisters feel like they’re in the shadow of their older sister, so this might make her feel special.
I would go with Mae for sure. Both girls will have special family middle names from their grandmothers. Little kids often don’t think of their parents as people who even have actual names, so I don’t think it would feel like a big deal to your daughters even if you gave your second daughter Mae as her first name, or even gave her your first name as her first name. And unless someone uses a double-barrel name or decides later in life to go the middle instead of the first, middle names just don’t get that much airtime after the birth announcement. And finally, Mae is a very mainstream, popular middle name choice (as is Rose), so it doesn’t seem obvious that it is a family name. People won’t all be asking in front of her big sister “oh wow, Mae! Is that a special family name?” the way they might if you pick Nicolette or another rare and distinctive name. And even if people do ask that, Clara Rose also has a special family middle name, fair and square.
Second sons in my family for 3 generations have had the middle name Holt. I think Mae for the 2nd daughter would be a great way to carry on the family tradition, especially as first borns often get the family honors.
I agree that Madelynn Mae is lovely, BUT your peace is more important than a name. Listen to your inner voice. If Madelynn just wasn’t the right name for your first, then it follows that Mae just may not be the right middle name for this daughter, and that’s okay! Grace and Joy from your own list are lovely, as are Bea, Faye, and Sage from Abby’s. I am leaning toward Sage, which would really match her name to her sister, and I think that makes it really special. You may also think about other one syllable names from your family if a family name is very important to you. Just remember your peace is more important than whether a name is “fair”. “Fairness” is only worth addressing if it’s the only remaining source of your naming anxiety.
I also agree with Abby’s advice. Madelynn Mae is so lovely, and I think it’s lovely that you and your husband can each share stories of family members with each girl’s middle name.
I agree with Abby. I also have a very similar naming situation with my daughters. My first daughter shares her middle with my husband’s mother and grandmother (her first name). My second daughter shares my middle and my mother’s middle. We wanted some representation from both sides of our family. Also, I personally feel there is something inherently special about being the first born. I gave my second second daughter something special with her middle name. My mother was also very honored. I think Madelynn Mae is the way to go! I also LOVE name alliteration so truly love this name!
I 100% agree with Abby that you’re using Mae for her maternal great grandmother, equal to Rose being for your eldest’s paternal great grandmother. And it sounds so gorgeous – love the alliteration. I think it’s all in how you explain it. I have something similar for my eldest’s name – while my father has a similar middle name to her first name, we always explain she’s named for her paternal great great grandfather. Similarly, my youngest shares a middle with my father‘s wife but we chose it because we loved the name and so far we don’t ever mention the connection.