Let’s talk about the secret meaning of names.
Click on any name site, flip open an old school dictionary and there’s pretty much always a meaning. It’s often a word or brief phrase. Most of the time, it’s positive. Princess. Warrior. Butterfly. Star.
An uplifting meaning makes a difference. Parents often hesitate when the meaning is negative – or even neutral or simply unknown.
And yet, meanings are rarely simple or straightforward.
We read that Kaitlyn means pure. Sometimes Kayla and Kaylee, too.
That’s because Katherine is associated with the Greek katharos, which does, indeed, mean pure.
Except we’re pretty sure Katherine started out as a slightly different name, possibly derived from Hekate, a goddess associated with witchcraft. Or maybe from another source altogether.
That’s tough to capture in just a few words.
Textbook definitions don’t tell us the why.
Even if your name has a tidy definition, we’re still missing a big part of the puzzle.
Why did your parents choose THAT particular name?
And that spelling. The first-middle combination.
Maybe you’re Kayla not because of the meaning “pure.” But because your father’s beloved grandmother was called Kay. Or because your mother loved the soap opera Days of Our Lives in the 1980s, the pop culture sensation that boosted the unusual name.
Maybe your name is Katharine, inspired by legendary actress Katharine Hepburn. In that case, your name reflects Ms. Hepburn’s talent and wit, not the murky meaning of her given name.
Some of the best names have backstories that are unique to the family in question.
Mallory doesn’t mean sorrowful if your parents met in Mallory, Indiana. Then it means “small town where my parents met.”
And if your parents happened to meet there because it was a dark and stormy night, and your mom had a flat tire and the repair shop was closed and your dad just happened to be in town for a meeting and suddenly, there they were drinking coffee at the Mallory Diner just one seat apart … well, then your name means “serendipity, twist of fate.”
Knowing the “why” can shift the way we hear a name. The late actor and comedian Robin Williams apparently named his daughter Zelda after the video game. Maybe Zelda sacrifices some jazz age glam thanks to that knowledge, but it picks up a whole other meaning. It’s more about quests and adventures – a whole other vibe.
Honor names change everything.
Our daughter is named for her grandmother. And that grandmother was named for her grandmother. None of them have the exact same legal name, and yet, the meaning is all about family.
It’s not something that can be looked up on any list.
I love the literal meaning of my daughter’s name, but it’s only part of the story. The part that matters? It’s something you wouldn’t know unless you ask.
Not every story is meant to be shared.
It’s often said that Brooklyn Beckham’s famous parents chose his name because he was conceived in the New York City borough. Mom Victoria has since denied it; though there’s still a connection to the place.
If your story is a little risque or potentially embarrassing to your child, it’s worth crafting the G-rated version before you’re asked.
And speaking of asking …
The only way to really know a name’s significance is to talk with the person who chose the name.
Parents sometimes say “we just liked it.” And that’s okay!
But most of the time, there’s a little more to the story. Maybe the name reminds your parents of a place or a song. Or your mother held you in her arms, and you just looked like a Charlie.
It could’ve been your mother’s favorite name since she was young. Or the name that your dad suggested after weeks of shooting every name down.
Some stories are more dramatic than others. And some parents will naturally weave a story about your name. It’s always worth asking, and prompting more reflection with follow-up questions.
If you want to know your name’s true meaning, if possible, ask the person who named you.
It’s not the last word. Maybe your parents named you Ethan thanks to Tom Cruise’s character in the Mission: Impossible film series. But you’re an English major, and Edith Wharton’s Ethan Frome has always fascinated you. Or the name’s literal meaning – enduring – resonates with you.
You’re always free to take the information you learn from your parents, and layer in your lived experience of wearing the name.
And that becomes a story to tell another generation – and maybe a roadmap for naming children of your own someday, too.
What’s your name story?
First published on August 17, 2009, this post was revised and re-published on August 9, 2023.
I imagine that “I liked it” is what it usually boils down to when you’re picking your kids’ names. The question then becomes, “WHY did you like it?” It could be a name you heard on TV (celebs seem to hold a lot of influence when it comes to naming trends), or it was an old family name, or you researched name meanings and liked what the name meant.
For me, it was that last point. I can’t imagine giving a name to a child and NOT knowing what it meant. I’ve frequented a lot of name boards in the search for a baby name, and I have to admit I was a little disheartened by how many times I saw people saying “I have no idea what my child’s name means, and I don’t care,” or “Name meanings aren’t important.” I guess I’ll never understand that, because even if the name Cameron holds some special significance for you, you’re still literally naming your child “Crooked Nose.”
Of course, even that can be taken too far. For a while, I was stuck on the idea of a “theme name” for a girl whose name meant life (Zoe), peace (Irene, Shanti, Frieda), and love (Carys, Kerensa). And then I realized I was putting my love of the meanings ahead of my love for the names — because I’m not overly fond of any of those names, save for Irene.
In the end, I decided I just wanted a name that had a pleasant (or at least not negative) meaning, wasn’t overly popular, sounded nice, and would age well. In other words, a name I picked because … I liked it. 😉
I posted this comment over at Nameberry as well:
Great post, Abby!
My name
My name actually does mean “princess” (Sally – well, Sarah, where it derived from, does) but I didn’t really care about that too much because I was more of a tomboy. According to the name books, my sister’s name means “warrior” and she was the girlier one so go figure. I definitely prefer the “we liked it” reason! Now, when I think about names I like, I don’t even consider the name-book meanings; I mostly consider the sound.
My baby name book holds written proof in my mother’s handwriting that they chose “Charlotte” because “they liked it”. That’s what the book says, my dad says I was named for some random great-aunt and my mum says that Charlotte was chosen because my dad was really picky when it came to girl’s names and there weren’t many that he liked — she agreed to Charlotte in large part because she was a big Jane Eyre fan. They always told me that Charlotte meant “little and womanly”. I’ve since found out that, as with most names, the meaning’s actually much more convoluted than that.
It’s ok though, I still like my name.
That is exactly why I like Charlotte – Jane Eyre is my favorite book.
My mom says she named me Stephanie after Princess Stephanie of Monaco. I go by Panya [Stephanie>Szczepana>Panya].
Twenty years after I was born, while doing genealogical research, I found that we’re very distantly related to the Grimaldis and that Stephanie is our cousin. Then I found that my g-g-g-g-grandfather’s name was Szczepan.
So I can “say” that I’m named after my cousin and grandfather. But really, my name was simply chosen because my mom heard it on Stephanie Grimaldi and liked it, and I’m called Panya because it was preferred over the other nicknames and versions of Stephanie.
Outside of honoring a relative, I’d be willing to bet Kelleita’s right: ‘I liked it’ will be the overwhelming response. It’s the same one I got when I asked how my folks picked my name and it’s the response my daughter will get if she ever asks me (it’s also a name that shares her father’s heritage, which made it that much more appealing, but that’s not the main reason we chose it).
I’d also say that even names with relatively obvious meanings, etymologically speaking, often have additional meanings that go along with it (take my name, Jade – the obvious is the green stone, but there’s also ‘broken down nag/horse” and “woman of ill-repute” – people in-the-know love to point those out – when I found those meanings as a tween I thought it was pretty cool, but maybe I’m just weird). In any case, while a history or a pretty or obvious meaning can be a nice thing and add to a name, my opinion is that the “I liked it” argument is more than valid for choosing a child’s name. It’s how I’m going to choose the next one, too… but of course, it won’t stop me from reading up on the candidate names for all the time left before he’s born!
JNE, I like your point about the obvious meanings versus the additional ones.
I actually wrote this after I received about a dozen email messages asking for the “meaning” of this name or that name. A few of them became NotDs, but the funny thing was that I never felt like I was answering the real question. The question was pretty clearly “What does MY name mean?” Not “Can you tell me about the name Jane?” Sometimes the two questions overlap, but not always.
“I liked it” is valid – but I do think the stories of why we like certain names, and what we like about them – is endlessly fascinating. There’s often a whole lot more thought that goes into the process of liking just that one final name. If not for my husband’s influence, I doubt I’d have used family names – but I’m sure I’d still have a story.
As a Katherine, this post tickled me! I was named after my paternal great-grandmother Kathleen and my maternal great-grandmother Jewell Elissa (my middle name’s Elizabeth).
I think the “I liked it” response would probably be pretty common among a lot of parents. We named our daughter Juliette Noelle because we liked those names — not because they had any special meaning for us. (The “special meaning” names in our family weren’t quite as lovely to our ears — nor could we decide who of the many fantastic women to honor; we only had so many names to give her!)
All that being said, I am always interested to read the meaning of names. I also think it’s pretty amusing when you find completely different meanings on different websites or in different books. Kind of gets you to wondering “who gets to decide?” It’s one thing if the name can truly be traced back… but other names seem like they’ve just been arbitrarily assigned a meaning to complete a passage in a book or an online search engine. Reminds me of dream dictionaries — who decided that seeing a mango in your dreams represents fertility? (Someone who wants to make money selling books, perhaps?) 🙂 Sorry, I guess I got a little cynical toward the end of this post…!
LOL, Kelleita – I know what you mean about dream dictionaries. And I think baby name books are the same way – because, really, there are not that many names in the universe that mean “beautiful princess.”
Great blog! I happened to ask my dad yesterday why he named me what he did, and he said, “I liked it”… no the MOST satisfying response.
You know, speaking of Mallory’s unfortunate “agreed” meaning, I think you should do a special on names with unfortunate meanings. The whole Mary/Marie/Maria/Mia/etc tribe, Claudia, Cameron, Shannon, Leah, that type.
Perfect! We have been considering Cameron and I admit that one of my big concerns is that she’ll be mad at me for naming her something that means “crooked nose”. Every little girl wants a name that means “princess” or “beautiful”…
Incidentally, I hated having the meaning of “pure” as the meaning of my name when I was growing up. It was a lot to live up to. I was also a preacher’s kid, so I was completely lost in never-being-able-to-measure-up-land.