Name Help: Welcome Grant!

Katie writes: I wanted to follow up and let you know baby Grant  was born at the end
of July. When I went into labor, we were still debating between Grant or Calvin and decided we would wait and see what fit him better. We were both leaning towards Calvin until he was born and we immediately agreed “he just looks like a Grant!” Thank you so much for all of your help!!

FINDING NAMES FOR A BOY THAT AREN’T TOO POPULAR

Katie writes:

We are having our third child, second boy, this July. I was positive we were having another girl and had lots of names picked out and am really struggling to land on a boy name. We have a daughter, Vera, and son, Wade. We like names that are not too popular or trendy, but definitely recognizable as a name.

We don’t have too many extra criteria, other than it seems like we have a LOT of close family members and friends with names we like that we can’t use because there is just too much overlap. 

James with a nickname of Jimmy would be my top pick, but my husband thinks its too similar to his name (Jeremy). I like Caleb, Isaac, Seth, Dean, and Grant but not enough to really land on any one of those names. 

My husband LOVES Clayton, with a nickname of Clayt, but I knew a troublemaker Clay as a child and I can’t get the association out of my head! He also likes Jethro, Jeb, and Kip, but I feel like those names are just a little too “out there” for me. 

I guess my question is 3-fold.

• Do you have tips on choosing a name when you’re kind of just lukewarm on all your favorites? 
• Any tips for getting over a negative name association? It really does feel silly to exclude a name for that reason, but I can’t get over that. 
• Any other name suggestions that would complement Vera and Wade? 

I would LOVE any feedback!! 

Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.

CHOOSING WHEN EVERYTHING IS JUST OKAY

Abby replies:

Congratulations on your new son!

I think this is such a familiar place to get stuck.

There’s this point in parenting when we know SO many children. We’ve thought about names multiple times in recent years. And lots of names appeal, at least a little bit. But none of them feel like The One.

How to move forward?

• Instead of ruling names out, try to narrow UP. What does this mean, exactly? Look at your list of possibilities and think through what you like most about each one.
• Choose a name to beat. If you had to name your son today, would he be … Grant? Seth? If you can identify the name you like best of your current choices, then you have a name to compare others against.
• Lastly, remember that you’re comparing names on paper to your actual children. Swistle always stresses this, and I think she’s so right. We’re comparing a name and a notion to our actual children, and the names will always fall a little short as a result.

OVERCOMING NEGATIVE ASSOCIATIONS

Before we talk about names specifically, let’s think through Clayton/Clayt.

I like to say that you can’t un-hear it. Sometimes, when someone randomly mentions a negative association with a name, it just sticks with us in a way that we can’t easily forget. Right or wrong, the name is ruled out.

It feels like Clayton could be that for you.

My suggestion is this: imagine naming your son Clayton. Would others also remember the same person unfavorably and have a negative reaction? (Like your childhood best friend exclaims, “You named your son after that guy!?!”) Or would you likely run into him, or connect with him through friends of friends on social media? (That’s potentially awkward even without any negative feelings.)

If either of those things – or similar awkward scenarios – are likely, then it’s not really a name In The Past, is it?

But if you sit with it, and this really is a fading into the background for you? It will absolutely evaporate in the first minutes you give the name to your son – should you choose to do so.

The issue: you’re the only one who can know if this difficult association is minor and forgettable or something you’re not willing to move past.

FRESH SUGGESTIONS

There’s a really wide range on your current list. Jethro is so different! (Is your husband an NCIS fan?) And Isaac is actually really popular, at least compared to Wade. (And Jethro, come to that.)

So let’s see if we can find some fresh ideas that are less popular than Isaac and Caleb, but not quite as out-there as Jethro and maybe – just maybe – share some of Clayton’s sound.

CLARK

There’s something clean cut and old school about Clark. It goes a little farther than Grant, but not quite as different as Jethro.

GRAHAM

A logical alternative to Grant.

HEATH

If you like Seth, would Heath appeal? It has the same ending sound, but it’s a little brighter – more of a nature name instead of an Old Testament one.

HUGO

I almost suggested Hugh, and I think it works handsomely with Wade and Vera. But I’m torn between Hugh and Hugo.

IKE

A name in the key of Jeb, but with more of an Isaac sound.

MILO

I wanted to suggested Miles, but I think it’s just too popular for you now. Would Milo appeal?

NATE

If you can’t get past Clayt, I think Nate is upbeat, friendly, and stands on its own.

RAFE

Another entry in my can’t-get-past-Clayton list. Traditionally short for Raphael, just Rafe has potential, too.

From your list, I love the sound of Dean. I think it’s the perfect mix of familiar and unexpected, a brother for Wade and Vera.

But I’m also really drawn to Heath – particularly because it shares that vaguely word-like/nature-adjacent/surname style of Wade so perfectly.

Readers, over to you! What would you suggest for Vera and Wade’s new brother?