Update: “This is long overdue! Thanks so much for the help. We almost named her Caroline McKenna, but I kept coming back to Maeve, but my husband wasn’t sure at first. But he eventually warmed up to the idea. And so she’s Maeve Caroline. The name suits her to a T!”
Kari writes:
My husband has two wonderful daughters from his first marriage. The girls’ names are Morgan Elizabeth and Mackenzie Marie. They’re in middle/high school and live a few hours away, but we try to see them as often as possible.
We have a three year old son together, William Joseph. It’s the name of both of our fathers, and it is the only name we ever discussed when we were pregnant the first time. Both grandfathers died before Will was born, so it was even more important to use those names. We didn’t even argue about which name came first because I have a brother who is a junior.
Now we’re expecting again. It’s a girl. She will complete our family, and we are so excited!
It turns out that my husband really, really likes names like Morgan and Mackenzie, and wants a similar style name for our daughter. I do not.
His list: McKenna, Harper, Marlowe, Maven, Quinn, and a bunch of other last name/word names that he brings up every once in a while. McKenna is his top choice – he likes the idea of all three sisters having M names.
My list: Alice, Adelaide (but NOT Addie!), Josephine (except too much with son’s middle?! maybe not good with our last name?), Cora, Edith, Violet (too popular?), Georgia (too Southern? awful with our last name.)
We might use Carol, his mom’s name, for a middle.
I’m not due until the end of January, but where do we even begin?! He says we should just wait to meet the baby and see what she looks like, but what if we can’t agree then, either?
Our last name is three syllables starts with J and ends with son, but we’re not related to Scarlett. 😉
Read on for my response, and please leave your helpful suggestions in the comments.
Dear Kari –
First, congratulations on your new baby!
Second, you are absolutely correct. When a couple has three or four favorite names, any of which they’d be happy to use, but none of which seems like The Name, waiting to meet the child isn’t the worst idea in the world.
But that’s not your situation at all, is it? You have a fundamental disagreement on style, and a short list of exactly zero names. Waiting until the last minute to make a choice is not likely to result in easy agreement.
Before we dive in, let’s look at your questions – because there are two separate issues here.
- How much should half siblings’ names factor into naming decisions?
- Where do you begin when your styles are miles apart?
Half-Siblings, Step-Siblings, and Other Sibset Considerations
In some cases, matching half-siblings names is a no-brainer. Maybe you love your stepkids’ names, and might have chosen them yourself. Or they satisfy certain preferences – maybe your partner really wants to stick with Irish names or nature names or some other style.
But often, that’s not the way it happens at all.
If your children are close in age or will live in the same household, matching matters more. After all, their names will likely be said together more often. A little bit of coordination can be a positive.
In this case, your children will grow up some distance away from their half-sisters, with more than a decade between them in age. There are plenty of practical reasons why their names don’t have to sound like part of the same set.
Clash of Styles
If you and your husband agreed on Alice or Edith, you’d be all set now. The problem is that there’s one more hurdle: you don’t actually have a list of names!
Let’s look at a few approaches – and a couple of names that might work:
- Caroline – You seem to prefer more traditional names; family names have been a place you can compromise. If Carol is on your middle name list, maybe Caroline could be a first name possibility? Charlotte is another member of the Carol name family that might be worth consideration – though it sounds a little less connected to Carol.
- Marlo, Margot – He likes Marlowe, which feels more like a sister for Mackenzie and Morgan and less like a sister for Edith. But could you both agree on Marlo? The different spelling tweaks the style slightly. If not Marlo, Margot shares much of the same sound, but has a very different vibe.
- Molly, Mila, Mabel, Martha, Miranda – If you stick with the shared first initial, might your husband be open to something that’s more your style? It’s tough to eliminate 25 letters of the alphabet, but it might be the best path to compromise.
- Hadley – While your husband prefers modern names, some of them do have associations that make them feel more traditional. Hadley Richardson became Hemingway’s first wife, and the subject of a best-selling fictionalized biography, The Paris Wife. Harper, of course, brings to mind author Harper Lee. There’s also Jordan (from The Great Gatsby), Greer (as in actress Garson), and other writer, actor, and artist names, first and last, to consider.
- Alix, Eden, Wren, Sage –Â Could there be a modern name that still appeals to you, like Sage or Wren? Or maybe a name like Alix, that looks modern and invented, but has deep roots?
I also wonder if there are any family surnames that might work? Sometimes a surname name feels very different if it has a personal connection.
My favorite idea, by far, is Marlo or Margot. It seems like the middle point between your styles, and still connects this new baby to her older siblings – without completely compromising your preferences!
Okay, now it’s time to open it up to readers: what would you suggest to Kari and her husband?
I just wanna add my vote to whoever and suggested taking “McKenna” off the list considering you already have a “McKenzie.” I’m a teacher, and I have a student named McKenna who is frequently called “McKenzie” and it drives her bonkers! Even with the age difference, being constantly called by a sib’s name really chafes some kids. Plus, and this is just my opinion, McKenna and McKenzie are just too matchy-matchy.
I second Maura–I think it’s a beautiful name. Classic, but not overused. Also love Maude, Marian, and Margaret. I’ve always loved Margaret with “Greta” as a nn!
Btw I forgot to add on my comment before that if a m name is chosen id agree to compromise on if the my name sounds best as the first name she goes by a none m nickname but if the m name is put as a middle name she goes by either her middle name or a m nickname so that it isn’t overly like her sisters yet is simmuler so in example I gave before if you chose Margaret and Caroline as names the if You named her Margaret Caroline she would go by something like Cara but if her name was Caroline Margaret she would go by something like margo
My advice is simple. Make a list of names that are the type of names your husband likes that you can tolerate in this case M names and surnames as first names and have your husband make a list of your type of names and he could live with such as in your case traditional names, now trade list. Each pick a name off the others list. Now play with the order of the names with your last name and see which makes most sense. For example let’s say he chose Margaret off your list and you chose Caroline off of his list then you need to say is Margaret Caroline and your last name sound better together or does Caroline Margaret sound better with your last name. That way you’re both happy with the name and both got a little of what you want.
Mallory Carol? Mallory is more of a vintage vibe but starts with M
YOUR list of girls names is almost identical to names I love so….I’m going to assume you and I have similiar tastes in names. (Also, I have a Joseph and still love Josephine, so there’s that.)
I also purposely did not read the other comments because these are my favorites, regardless of what anyone else indicated.
My favorite:
Maeve Carolina (Carolina pronounced Caroleena). Hits the M name and then brings in a variant of your mil’s name.
Meara- love this name too.
Yeah. That’s all I got.
As a sidenote: I do not love your stepdaughter’s names (no offense, it sounds like they are lovely girls), and so see no need to try to “match” them to your new daughter’s name, unless, of course, you found an M name that you really really loved. Another way to go would be to pick out a non-M name for her first name and then give her an M name as her middle in reference to her two sisters.
I think going with the plan to give him an M and you pick the actual name is a good compromise. Good luck!
I vote Margot as well. And a Carol-sounding name, though unrelated, that you might consider in the middle is Carys.
After seeing the Mira suggestions, I also thought of Mila.
And I agree with pps that Magnolia and Meredith, with their myriad nickname possibilities and technical “M” initial, are worth seriously considering.
Monica
It’s my granny’s name. So old and modern at the same time.
Yes! There’s a little Monica in my kids’ school. It wears beautifully on a child.
Her list reminds of the “great auntie” names, so how about Maude? Other names: Maura, Monet, Michaeline, Melba, Marva, Marlena, Mavis, Winona, Wednesday, Wanda, (I really want to suggest Wilhemina, but Will is taken). Meredith, Mavis, and Caroline are my favorites that have been suggested.
I like the Margot or Margaret idea too. Sticking with M names maybe Maude, Matilda, or Miribel?
1. Take McKenna off his list! It’s nearly identical to McKenzie.
2. The 1/2 siblings name style does not need to match your kids together. I think picking a name you both love is much more important.
3. So you’ve got his desire for an M name, his preference for surnames, and your love of classics. Make 3 lists. All the M names you can tolerate, surnames you can stand, all the classics you could consider using….
I think you’ve got the best chance in convincing him an unusual classic M is a good compromise. I though of Maeve, Mariah, & Mira for you. I love Miriam, May, Minerva, Margaret.
I like the idea of Caroline. Then maybe a surname middle such as Caroline Harper would work.
Also I like May Caroline. May is totally a surname too. So is Carol. Just sayin…. 🙂
I wonder if matching your two biological children’s initials might satisfy his need to match? I love the idea of Wren or Winter for you. If you want to go with the matching names, I love love love Margot.
Meredith fits for both!
Maeve. It’s perfect. He likes “Maven”, it’s almost the same… and yet it’s wholly female, a classic Irish name, and with a rich history, so it satisfies lots of your preferences, too.
Just thought of another M name to consider, Margaret. It has the vintage vibe, sounds lovely with Caroline and has a bunch of great, vintage nickname options!
Margaret Caroline and William Joseph
Maggie, Greta, Daisy or Meg and Will
Morgan, Mackenzie and Margaret
Magali, Malia, Mallory, Maren, Marina, Molly.
The child’s dad should have an equal say here and an M name to match two half sisters is appropriate. It may make them feel closer to your daughter and respected as part of your family, which you surely want.
My vote goes to Caroline, Margot or Magnolia.
Another idea that may (or may not) feel more like a compromise–Macy/Macie
I too love the idea of going with an M name that reflects your style. I like a lot of M names but am finding it surprisingly difficult to think of one that fits your style. My first thought was Meredith. Other possibilities: Matilda, Mae, Madeleine, Marjorie, Maisie, Myrna, Melinda, Martha, Marta, Mara, Marina, Marcelline, Marcella, Myra?
Or Millicent?
I’d eliminate his favorite McKenna right off the bat. Sisters named Mackenzie and McKenna is a no-no for me!
I agree with Susan. Too matchy. I’d also wouldn’t use another M name. My pick would be Hadley Caroline. The reason being that all of the girls would share using a traditional surname as a first name. Makes a nice sibset.
Agreed, they’re basically the same name.
I’ll add Maeve, both Irish and M but more classic like your style.
Cecily? Audrey? There are lots of dainty names with unisex beginning that might work. Also something like Paige.
MY favorite though? Meredith. It has M, unisex, contains Edith or Edie if you like and is just a great name.
I also love Margo/t for you. An M name that both of you can get behind seems the best compromise. I do like the idea of unity among the sisters, but not unity above you finding a name you love. That should be just a bonus. So what M names do you like? Could it even be an M that lends itself to a non-M nickname? Like Magnolia (love that suggestion) nn Nola or Nolie? Margaret seems another good option – mms galore!! Maisie, Meg, Daisy, Pearl, Greta? Meredith nn Edie? Melanie nn Lainie.
Or Maren, Maelle, Marley, Mira, Myriam, Mamie?
Good luck!
Savannah
Annabelle
Keira
Caroline is my favorite of the suggested ideas.
I LOVE your suggestion of Margot for this family – I definitely think it bridges the gap between mom and dad’s preferences here. My first thought after reading that dad wanted an M name and mom likes Alice, Georgia, Violet, etc was Magnolia. It’s definitely a big name, but I think it’s sweet and super wearable. Will and Maggie. Morgan, Mackenzie, and Magnolia. (I do think of all the names, McKenna is least ideal because it is SO similar to Mackenzie.)
Best of luck to them! I hope we find out what they decide!
I think Margot or Marlowe Caroline would be beautiful!
Good luck and congratulations!
Forgot to add – I agree that the age difference and distance makes it so that the names don’t NEED to go together, but… those factors also make me think it’d actually be sweet to coordinate the names a bit – I think it’s a good way to have a little unity among the girls of the family. 🙂 The Margot (or Magnolia, or Marigold, or Mabel, etc) compromise seems like the perfect solution – a common theme for the girls, but not a style mom doesn’t like.
My thoughts exactly! and there are so many beautiful M names out there… There’s gotta be one that both mom and dad like! I see Maeve, Maisie, Matilda, and Margot as options that are classic but fit in with current trends. Maybe even something like Melanie. Good luck, Kari 🙂