Choosing Names in a Blended Family

Name Help is a series at Appellation Mountain. We’re relying on thoughtful comments from the community to help expectant parents narrow down their name decisions. Thank you in advance for sharing your insight!

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AND BABY MAKES THREE … DIFFERENT NAME STYLES

Jocelyn writes:

My son is Brayden. He’s 16, and likes his name just fine. I like it, too, though I wish I’d chosen something less trendy. Brayden has his dad, my ex’s, last name.

My new husband has a 12 year old named Margaret, who exclusively goes by Maggie. I love her nickname, but Margaret is kind of a heavy, older name to my ears and it’s really not my style, either. Maggie’s last name is hyphenated, both her parents.

I’m writing because we’re expecting our first child together. It’s a boy! I’m not sure where to begin. We put it off because we were waiting to know the gender at 20 weeks. It’s really not any easier now that we have half the names ruled out!

Besides a first and middle name, we also need to make a decision on our son’s last name. I reverted to my maiden name after my divorce and have kept it, so one option is to hyphenate. That means a long last name, so maybe a shorter first name? If we hyphenate, his last name would sound sort of like Harper-Willis.

My husband suggested Luke. It’s fine … but it’s just fine.

We could use some inspiration!

Please read on for my response and leave your thoughtful suggestions in the comments.

EXPERIENCED PARENTS NAME DIFFERENTLY

Abby replies:

Congratulations on your new son!

There’s no question that experienced parents often name differently. Time changes things, of course. But we change, too, especially because we have good information on what it’s like for a name to go from birth certificate to kindergarten backpack to middle school report cards, right?

And that’s okay! Here’s what leaps out at me:

• Brayden and Maggie are both short, current names. Are the styles different? Of course. But saying them together, just as I work on this post, makes them feel compatible. Add one more name to the list, and that can still be true!
• It sounds like your double-barrelled surname doesn’t really limit your options. Sure, hyphenated long surnames that are difficult to pronounce … like maybe Choudhury-Antonicelli? That calls for thoughtful first name selection. But sounds-like Harper-Willis feels very manageable.
• Lastly, remember your children’s ages. Siblings with a big age gap are less likely to hear their names said together by the outside world. While you might perceive a style mismatch, the wider world probably won’t have much opportunity to notice. That’s potentially quite freeing!

So I think we’re looking for something short, with a modern sensibility, but a little bit of a nod to tradition, too. That’s probably the middle ground between Margaret-called-Maggie and Brayden, right?

A BROTHER FOR BRAYDEN and MAGGIE

BEAU

I might normally avoid repeating initials, but given the age gap between your boys? Pretty sure you won’t need to label their socks and water bottles to tell them apart! I love that Beau has a bright, strong, confident sound. It feels a little old-fashioned, but still very current.

CALVIN

Definitely a long-overlooked traditional name, Calvin is smart and serious. Nickname Cal is downright cool.

DECLAN

I think a two-syllable first name can work really well with a longer surname, especially a complete sound like Declan. It’s familiar now, and sounds like a brother for Brayden, while still reflecting a slightly different style.

IAN

Vowel-forward Ian is visually brief, but still comes in at two-syllables.

LEVI

An Old Testament name with plenty of blue jean rough and tumble. A vowel ending can really flow into a longer surname.

MILES

A name that occurs across many centuries, but feels completely at home in the 21st century. Miles would conflict with a surname like Willis – too much S sound! But with a hyphenated surname, that repeating S becomes pleasing and memorable.

REID

Yes, Luke is a solid short name. But it’s far from the only choice! Reid seems like an equally compelling option, and slightly less expected.

THEO

As with Beau and Levi, the vowel ending flows nicely into your surname. Sure, lots of Theos are actually Theodore. But just Theo also ranks in the US Top 100, and I think the stand-alone version feels like the right choice for your family.

Overall, Theo keeps coming back to me. I think it’s the perfect midpoint between Maggie and Brayden. It’s current and upbeat, but with roots. And it works nicely with your longer, hyphenated surname.

I’m also drawn to Levi and Ian, probably for similar reasons.

Maybe Theo Henry? Ian Andrew or Levi Andrew? I’m really just choosing traditional names and tucking them in the middle spot to see how they feel. Maybe there’s something more personally meaningful that would work better. I wonder if a Jo- name, from Jocelyn would appeal? Theo Jordan, Levi Jonas? Just a thought!

Oh, and to clarify: yes, I think you should hyphenate your son’s last name! Are there lots of last names in your blended family? Yes. Is it occasionally inconvenient or confusing? Possibly. But it’s also life in the 2020s, and something that reflects your stories and how you built your family. We know plenty of families where the last names don’t match, and really? I never give it a thought. Families are complicated and wonderful, and names reflect that – as they should.

Over to you, readers! What would you name a brother for Margaret “Maggie” and Brayden? Any advice on managing surnames in blended families?