The Sixth Sin: DIY Names
We have some strong opinions here at ApMtn. In some cases, we recognize that they are simply that - preferences and inclinations. But when it comes to a few naming transgressions, they are serious enough to be known as The Seven Deadlies.
Today we address The Sixth Sin: DIY Names. If you are thinking of creating your child’s name from scratch, we urge you: don’t go there! There is a galaxy of interesting, appealing choices for your child to wear. Sadly, most names that are invented by proud parents are something of a mess.
But, you protest, every name was invented at some point, by someone. Jessica, you insist, was created by Shakespeare. And someone had to be the first to pluck Journey or Lyric out of the dictionary and declare them fit to wear.
We concede that this is absolute fact. We also counter with this: If you can compose sonnets worthy of the Bard himself, perhaps you merit an exemption to this rule. And if you’re hoping for an original name, by all means flip through the dictionary or spin your globe and see what catches your eye. No one said that you had to choose from a list of 250 pre-approved appellations.
The trouble with DIY names is that most have an unavoidably downmarket feel to them. They tend to fall into the following categories:
- Kreeatif spellings: Mayleah, Kaelinn, Sarenniah, Kesten, D’Metrius. Yes, I can puzzle out how to say them. And yes, they look like they almost could be real names. They’re just a bit messy and imprecise.
- Kreeatif spellings gone wylde: K’Maisa, Kaidhence, Jirzee, Marrittse. As the sage coolteamblt once wrote, “If you have to add a pronunciation key at the end of a potential name, run away.” These names are not merely messy, they cause eye strain when you look at them.
- Syllable overdose: Makensielee, Julisiana, Dakwindrey. Somewhere in there, a reasonable name lurks. But it’s buried, like the proverbial needle in the haystack. If you’re adding and adding and adding, soon the name will tumble under its own weight.
But the biggest crimes seem to be committed in the name of mash-ups, a good idea gone bad.
At ApMtn, we’re very much in favor of honoring loved ones with your child’s name. And sometimes, it makes sense to change it up a bit. So Grandpa Gary’s namesake is your darling son, Garrett. (See this post for more ideas.) Great Aunt Marilyn might inspire you to call your little girl Mariel. We are not opposed to renovation.
And yes, when we’re likely to have small families - maybe only one child - it *is* tempting to honor your favorite cousin, his dear departed Dad and the doctor who delivered your precious newborn in a raging Wisconsin snowstorm, too.
But can you really make a reasonable name out of Lori, Henry and Gwendolyn? Or will your child, Helorlyn, go through life with a monster of a moniker?
Our personal pet peeve is parents who mash-up their own names. (Hi! I’m Kelsey and the dad is Matthew. Can you think of the perfect name for our little boy?) You’ve already combined your DNA. Why not let your son have a name that is, at least slightly original?
Or follow the example of the stylish Will and Jada Pinkett Smith and choose one name after each parent - Jaden and Willow.
If we haven’t convinced you, we never will. But our judgment is this: better to thumb through a dozen baby name guides than to simply re-arrange letters until you arrive at something that doesn’t pop up when you Google it. After all, the name might be unique - but the practice is, unfortunately, common.
Filed under: Don't Go There, Seven Deadlies |
Awww, thanks!
I have a personal hate for smashup names. I love the idea of naming kids after family, but not after yourself. Naming a child Ashlyn after daddy Asher and mommy Jaylyn is just dumb. I almost don’t mind the ones where the parents share an element of their name in common, like a meaning, and pass that on. That’s more subtle and doable. I remember a John and a Shawna who had Gia, because they all came from the name John. Not so bad.
Subtle really *is* the key, isn’t it? Sadly, it seems to be in short supply these days!
I suppose in your eyes, I have committed a sin, but I am very partial to my son’s name. We did not mash up our own names to create his, but rather combined cultures. As a proud woman of Scandinavian heritage, I found a wonderful Old Norse name I liked- Regn. It was a bit short and blunt, but I was drawn to it. My husband suggested we combine in a German word, ‘krieg’ and we found our son’s name- Kriegan. It’s not spelled with x’s, y’s or z’s, it doesn’t have over five syllables in it, but it is different- and you won’t find it in any baby book.
Serena, for what it’s worth, my sister describes my kids’ names as Eurotrash.
Kriegan’s not the kind of name I’d ever consider, but to my eye - and ear - it’s safely on the right side of creative. As you say, he’s free of a superfluous x-y-z or syllable overdose. It’s also a very rare surname - it pops up in early 20th century US census records - but it’s so sparingly used that it would take some serious digging to get a sense of the name’s origins. (I’m betting that it’s a respelling or simplification of something else, but that’s just an impression.)
I’m due to revise the Seven Deadlies anyhow. I stopped at six . But here’s my number one sin - the sin of just slapping a name on a child without much thought. Plain vanilla names craze me. (I grew up with one.) So while I stand by my feeling that DIY is dangerous, it beats the anonymous Jennifer Anne, Grace Marie, Michael James and Jacob William.
Parents of Jennifer Anne, Grace Marie, Michael James and Jacob William, that’s your cue to sound off.
lol I have a rather plain first name as well, and it drove me crazy in school. It’s not a horrible name in and of itself, but being 1 or the 5 girls in each class with the name Katherine was just irritating. Sure, there are thousands of derivations of it, but I didn’t want to wear the name of Katherine, Kate, or Katie. So, my children both got ‘different’ names- my son’s a bit more than my daughter’s.
I think we’re a bit luckier in Australia, as there really doesn’t seem to be that much ‘kre8tyv’ spellings down here! I mean, we get a fair few, but nothing too drastic! Take my 3 year old’s kinder class this year, their names are all completely ‘normal’:
Benjamin - Max - Thomas - Brody - Liam - Daniel - Milo
Matilda - Hollie - Ella - Emelie - Tasha - Vera - Lilly - Claire - Madeline
… a few are just very common!
In early high school (middle school / JR High in the US, I think), I tried to get people to refer to me as Anais, as I was sick of hearing Sophie (that was around..1995ish), but it just got too confusing! I appreciate the simplicity of more traditional names, really.
I’m not opposed to unusual names - obviously! But when a name makes my eyes hurt, I think it’s gone too far. I can understand the desire to spell the name Madalyn, even though I’ll forever prefer Madeleine.
But Caceigh? Lynzee? Vynsynt? They go too far.
Over time, many names do morph for any number of reasons. Katelyn looks “right” to many people, while the original - Caitlin - seems tortured. And so I find it hard to fault Katelyn, or even Kaitlyn, even though they’re not my style. I just think it’s a mistake to twist a name beyond recognition. They remind me of cutesy personalized license plates - fun to decipher if you’re stuck in traffic, but not practical!